Last person to post wins!

I want people to read those posts I put.

I missed my chance to post because my mom made me mop the floor... But technically, Dante has won.

Who da fauq cares?!

You did, Dante.

TCB
Chapter 1: Formation of the Team
Scene 1: Unlikely Allies



Guard 1: “After her!”
Guard 2: “No… wait… is that the Black Witch?—The one who killed over 50 Crimson Beak back at Forest Block?”
Guard 3: “Yeah, screw this…”
Guard 4: “Shut up men we have her surrounded! So got that bitch? Put your hands up!”
Eon: *scoff* “Is that all you have to say? You boys couldn’t sound more cliché if I paid you to.”
Eon: “Oh well it all ends here.” *fires arrows*

Guard 1: *dies*
Guard 2&3: *dies*
Eon: Doesn’t notice hammer until its too late.

Zathire: “HAA!” *Bone-slays wall and general*
Eon (When she knows she’s safe): *haughty laughter* (arrogant sarcasm) “Well prince charming, I appreciate the effort but as you can see I’m fully in control, so if you don’t mind… Huh? He’s already gone?”
Eon: *gets struck by an arrow in the shoulder* “Aghh!”
Eon: *gets pissed* “That’s it! You don’t think I’m only an archer do you?” *Drains and devours life force*

Zathire: *sniff* *sniff* *sniff*
Hanyuu: *cleave* *cleave* *cleave*
Eon: (thoughts) Who was that barbarian? It doesn’t look like he’s out here to try and impress any women, but I take it he’s no more a friend to the Crimson Beak than I. A bit unrefined, but perhaps he could be useful if I could get him to swing that blade at the beaks more often.

Zathire: “CHICKEN!” *takes chicken without permission*
Hanyuu: *stares*
Eon: “There you are…” “Huh a Crimson Cleric”
Zathire: “My chicken.”
Hanyuu: “Actually that would be the soldier’s but I don’t care, as long as I get to cleave things I’m happy.”
Eon: (thoughts) What a bunch of weirdoes.
Zathire (with mouthful): “Who the hell are you?”
Eon: “Don’t you remember… Well anyhow I got this plan and I was…”
Zathire: “Don’t remember; don’t care.” *Looks to healer and points to onion* “Hey chicken-woman! What the hell is that?”
Hanyuu (as if speaking to a child): “That’s a vegetable.”
Zathire: “I don’t get it?” *scratches head*
Eon: *devious smile* “You know the Crimson Beak is ordering the killing of any birds to be illegal. So that means chicken will no longer be available on the menu.”
Zathire: *violently shakes Eon* “WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY?”
Eon: (thoughts) That was easier than I thought.
Zathire: “TELL ME AGAIN…” *eyes popping*
Eon: “Currently I’m fighting…”
Zathire: “Look I have no time for your explanations. You’re going to show me where this Crimson Beak is and I’m going to CRACK open his skull. Got it?”
Eon: (thoughts) Grrr what an idiot, oh well I should be glad he’s so easy to manipulate… *fake sigh* “Very well…”
Hanyuu: “Where do you people plan on going?” *innocent creepy stare*
Zathire: *caveman look of confusion*
Eon: (thoughts) I’ve always hated the users of light magic. She’s just another one of them. She’ll turn us in to the beak. “Hey you!—Barbarian, kill her!”
Hanyuu: “I was looking for something to cleave anyways…” *continues humble innocent smile* *cleaves one of Zathire’s fingers*
Zathire: “Wait huh?” *selects Hanyuu by the throat* (doesn’t notice missing finger) “No I will not kill her!” (Forgets about the fact she’s choking) “You stay away from her, this woman sacrificed a chicken to me, and I could never disregard such an honorable act.”
Hanyuu: (thoughts) Dumbass you stole it.
Zathire: “But as for you…”
Eon: (thoughts) Shit this is getting out of hand. “Healer lets make a deal. You reattach his finger and I’ll take you along with us and you’ll have plenty of victims to cleave.” (thoughts) I hope that worked. “HEY BARERIAN!—PUT HER DOWN BEFORE YOU CHOKE HER!”
Zathire: “Huh oh…” *sets her down* (thoughts) Uh… oops…
Hanyuu: *coughs and clears throat* (thoughts) Hmm should I betray the Army of the Crimson Beak? Ehh… *shrugs* I’m not much for this healing job anyway.

The Crimson Beak: “So you say you still haven’t been able to capture the Black Witch?”
Messenger (the new general): “Your honor…”
The Crimson Beak: “Rumor has it that not only that, but that the castle was breached by one man and that we had one of our own break ranks and join up with the Black Witch.”
Messenger: *nervous look*
The Crimson Beak: “I hope you came prepared knowing the consequence for such failure.”
Messenger: “Your majesty please…”
Something in the shadows: *moves*
Messenger: “No! No! NOOOOOO!!!” *CRACK*

TCB
Chapter 1: Formation of the Team
Scene 2: Retreat



Zathire: “Ah feels great.” *flexes reattached finger* *test swings battle sword* *starts cracking walls, one after another*
Hanyuu: “We could just go around them perhaps?”
Eon: “We don’t have long. I’m sure the Crimson Beak has already sent soldiers after us, considering your subtle exit plan. We need to get as much ground between us and that castle as possible.”
Zathire: “Eh… relax. We’ll just kill them anyways.”
Eon: “Not against a whole army we won’t. We were lucky last time. We had the element of surprise.”
Zathire: *dismissively waves*
Eon: “You arrogant bastard!”
Zathire: “I have a name BITCH!”
Eon: *Is suddenly calm (with a ‘huh?’ expression)* “Speaking of names, is it just me or is it a little awkward that none of us know each other’s name?”
Hanyuu: “I suppose it is a little weird.”
Eon: “Well I guess I’ll be the first to volunteer. I’m Eon it’s a pleasure to meet you.” *gives short bow to Hanyuu*
Hanyuu: “Hanyuu.” *returns short bow*
Eon: “HEY BARBARIAN…”
Zathire: “WHAT?!?”
Eon: “Politely introduce yourself to your two new friends.”
Zathire: “Friends?... WOMAN!” *literally snarls* “Lets get one thing strait. I didn’t join this little tea party to socialize. I came here to crack a certain someone’s beak. That’s all.”
Hanyuu: “You shouldn’t be so scared. It’s natural to want to hide your name from strangers, it helps keep us safe, but I never thought you would be afraid.”
Zathire: “Me afraid? Listen, and let it be uttered once, I am the mighty Zathire, and when I speak my name it is my enemies that will crumble with fear not me.”
Eon: (thoughts) She’s good; what a flawless exploit of a male’s natural arrogance.
Hanyuu: *same fake innocent smile (with a hint of smugness)*
Eon: (thoughts) She’s clever and quiet and I can’t even begin to guess what thoughts she hides under that smile. She was once a Crimson Cleric. Is she really on our side or is she waiting for an opportunity to set us up? I hate healers.
Hanyuu: “So Eon what are your hopes and dreams?”
Eon: (thoughts) Is this a trick question? “Me oh…” *nervous laugh* “I just want to get my farm back. Ever since the Crimson Beak took control of the area it’s just been trouble for me and my village to supplement his laborious needs.” *sighs* “My brother and mom were killed when the farm failed to produce enough seeds for his birds.”
Zathire: “Uhg, I’m going to starve in five seconds. Hey healer, you were sided with the beak how come you were cooking chicken? I thought that was illegal.”
Hanyuu: “The beak has many secrets and there are those above the rules.”
Zathire: “So that would mean you were pretty high on the ranking list.”
Hanyuu: “A long time ago in the past, the Beak in secret formed an alliance with two members. I was one; the other was the leader of his elite force, the core of his units. Together the three of us conquered this land. But the beak grew weary of our growing power, and in paranoia, established a firm and vast hierarchy in which we were just below him.”
Eon: “Then that would make you the legendary warrior… Blood of the Night, the heartless slayer of an entire town… Rumor has it in Windales Keep every guard was slaughtered and before morning, not even a single child remained. THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU A HEALER?”
Zathire: *Yawn* “So if your so high and mighty could you find me another chicken? It’s already been about two hours I don’t know how much longer I can make it.”
Eon: “You fatass! Is food all you think about?
Zathire: *scans for other thoughts* “Uhh”
Eon: “But wait a minute, if you’re the legendary warrior when you cleaved his finger off how come only one finger came off? Is it even possible to cut at such an angle as to only cut one finger?”
Zathire: “Oh it got cut off because the blade slipped between the bones in the joints the rest only got skin cuts; I’m surprised it didn’t put a dent in your cleaver.”
Eon: “Bones! Bones can’t stand up to a cleaver”
Hanyuu: “Yes I was quite surprised myself.”
Zathire: “Like hell they can’t. I fortify my bones every day will a healthy gallon of Ganon Milk! Followed by rigorous” *rambles on* “and that’s why they wouldn’t break.”
Hanyuu: “Huh?”
Zathire: “PRESSURIZED BONES!”
Hanyuu: “What the hell is he talking about?”
Eon: “I don’t know I wasn’t listening.”
New voice (facetious): “Look what we have here!”
Eon, Zathire, Hanyuu: *turn around*
Horseman (New voice): “Two pretty little girls… Just what my troops would love to play with.”
Random mercenary 1: “Hey hey hey…”
Random mercenary 2: “I’m going to enjoy this…”
Eon: “1… 2… 3… eh… about 14, that should be no problem for you. You wanted to have some fun well here’s your chance. Let the cleaver girl have her fun fatty”
Random mercenary 3: “Wait a minute I think I recognize one of them. HEY IS THAT THE BLACK WITCH!”
Eon: “Trust me that will be the least of your troubles.”
Random mercenary 2: Hey wait the guy… what the hell type of sword is that?”
Hanyuu: *goes into Hanyuu frenzy (Note: in RPG terms this move does massive damage to all foes as long as they are within a confined area)* (bones go flying)
Zathire (In protest to Eon’s demands): “Hey I wanted to break a couple of them too.”
Horseman: *jaw is open in awestruck horror* (all the troops are dead) *turns and retreats*
Eon: “He’s retreating for backup!”
Zathire: “Already on it.” *swoops mighty battle-sword* *Lets it fly*
Eon: “I could have just shot him.”
Horse: *crunch*
Zathire: “Awe damn! It never does it the cool way!”
Eon, Hanyuu, Zathire: *run toward fallen horse*
Hanyuu: *Gets ready to cleave fallen man*
Eon: “WAIT!”
Hanyuu: *sigh* *lowers cleaver*
Eon: “Seems pretty convenient that you were set to ambush us.”
Fallen man: “What are you talking about?”
Eon: *pulls off helmet and delivers bitch slap*
Hanyuu: *Looks at Zathire* “Hey what are you doing?”
Zathire: “Well I figured since they’re girls here I ought to start a fire first…”
Hanyuu: “What?”
Zathire: “If you want it how it is that’s okay with me, saves time…”
Hanyuu: “What the hell are you talking about?”
Zathire: “What? You don’t want any?”
Hanyuu: “God just answer my first question!”
Zathire: *eyes shift to the horse* (it’s twitching with the occasional spasm)
Hanyuu: “You’re kidding me?”
Zathire: “I said I was hungry. So do you want it cooked or not?”
Hanyuu: “THAT’S DISGUSTING!”

Eon: “Alright you can finish him Hanyuu, I’ve gathered all the information I needed.”
Man: “But you said you’d let me live if I…”
Zathire: “Wait, did you say you’d let him go?”
Eon: *shrugs* “Scared people offer more information when they think there might be hope.”
Zathire: “That’s inacceptable. One should never go back on their words, it’s dishonorable.” *looks to Eon with glare*
Eon: “You don’t actually plan on…” *sees Zathire raise blade and continue serious stare* *shrugs in defeat* “Alright you can go…” *Waves man away*
Man: “Are you really serious?” *expression change of fear to disbelieving joy* *gets up, scampers and runs*
Zathire: “But…”
Man: *stops* (Everyone faces Zathire)
Zathire: “I had nothing to do with them, so…” *smiles with greed for the blood-feast* “HAA!” *DOUBLE BONESLAYER DAMAGE (Note: in RPG terms this move is overpowered)* “It doesn’t matter if I do something like that.” *notices something* “Ooh!” *lifts up small baggy* “Look at all this money. Ha!—this guy’s loaded. Imagine how much Ganon milk I could buy with this…” *dreamy look*
Eon: “Hanyuu, heal the horse.”
Hanyuu: “Gladly”
Zathire: *horrorstruck* “My snack!”
Hanyuu: “GET OVER IT FATASS!”
Eon: *?* “Did I miss something?”
Hanyuu: “Trust me your better off not knowing…”
Eon: *?*

TCB
Chapter 1: Formation of the Team
Scene 3: Weakness



The Crimson Beak: “I have little time to waste.”
Unknown voice: “I won’t fail you master.”

Eon & Hanyuu: *rides horse east*
Hanyuu: “This is sort of fun.” *Watches Zathire struggle to keep up*
Zathire: “Hey this isn’t fair! First you won’t let me eat it, and now while I’m starving… you get to ride it!”
Eon: “Keep running tubby!”
Zathire: “Forget this I’m no athlete…” *pants and stops*
Hanyuu: “Leave him behind.”
Eon: *chuckles* “That would be funny, but we need him to get through some walls in my next plan. Besides, he’s got a lot of gold in that bag.” (thoughts) Besides, stupid people are more trustworthy, you might be waiting for a chance to kill me.
Unknown voice: *womanly scream* “Oh! You have it?”
Eon: “Huh?” *pause* *expression sours* *sigh* “You’re kidding me…”
Hanyuu: “Yes that was him.”

Zathire: “I’ll take 30 and the bag.”
Merchant: “How about this, I have a special proposition for you.”
Zathire: “You’ve got my ears citizen.”
Merchant: *Hands over a half gallon carton of Ganon Milk * “That was free.”
Zathire: “You got my vote.” *drains half the carton*
Merchant: *Helpless chuckle* “Those two, they are your friends are they not?”
Zathire: “Friends?” *slow laugh builds up into a riot* “Please not when I’m drinking…” *recovers breath* “No, but I’m supposed to follow them, and if I stop they’ll probably orbit me like a pair of flies.”
Merchant: “I see…” *long pause of processing thoughts* “Very well then, here’s my proposition; there is a lot of dangerous stuff going on right now, and I could use an escort. For a few days if you allow me to travel along side your group, I will give you half my Ganon milk for free.

Hanyuu & Eon: *Arrive and dismount*
Hanyuu: “Please tell me you didn’t spend all the money?”
Zathire: “What’s it to you little missy?” *snarls* “Don’t tell a man what to do!”
Hanyuu: “I’ll say what I want!” *snap* *snap*
Zathire: “Woman!” *starts angrily marching over*
Eon: *puts hand over his shoulder* “Easy there Zathire!” *Waits until his shoulders slump before releasing*
Merchant: *cough* *cough* “Eh-hem, well I can see what he said by ‘not exactly friends’.”
Eon: “He’s not the best cohesive force himself.”
Merchant: “I take it you’re the one that holds together, what little semblance there is in this group?”
Eon: “Yeah that’d be me.”
Merchant: “I hope this doesn’t interfere with your plans, but I’d already got your friend to agree to escort me to Mezjvil.”
Eon: “Why there?”
Merchant: “I know a man who can put a cooling charm on my products, the hot sun lately has worn the old ones out and my beverages might heat up. They’ll go bad if I don’t get a new enchantment soon.”
Eon: “But why…”
Merchant: “Allow me to explain. I am fairly sure that I could get there on time, but only with escort, because the way is currently being patrolled by a small army of Beak. Normally you could trust soldiers to make things safer, but this isn’t a perfect world. Likely they’ll act as highway men, taking bribes rather than acting the part of a disciplined defense force.
Zathire: “Half the things he said weren’t even worth remembering as far as I’m concerned, but let me tell you one thing strait. I’m taking his deal whether you like it or not.” *yawn* “So if you need me for any of your other missions or crap like that, you can wait.”
Eon: *rolls eyes and bites lip* “Very well…” *sighs* “Then lets get moving…”

Merchant, Hanyuu & Zathire: *rides in caravan*
Eon: *patrols on horse*

Hanyuu: “Other than the occasional bump this is a pretty nice caravan.”
Merchant: “Thankyou, I’m Edgeworth, ‘I sell an edge worth buying,’ or at least that’s the corny sales pitch I’ve been trying to push.”
Hanyuu: It’s not too bad, but I’d try to avoid them as they are generally annoying.
Zathire: *starts snoring*
Hanyuu: “Already asleep with all these bumps?”
Edgeworth: “Well you know what they say about after giving a baby some milk…” *lifts up and shakes carton* “Yep it’s all gone.”
Eon: *pulls aside canvas flap to talk inside* “It’s going to take two days. We should make camp soon and then head into town early next morning.” *stares incredulously* “He’s already asleep?”

Unknown voice: “Sire, the merchant has been played into our hands.”
The Crimson Beak: “Excellent, begin phase two immediately after he reports the data.”

LATER THAT NIGHT 10pm

Edgeworth, Hanyuu & Eon: *laughing and telling stories*
Eon: “Hey Zathire come join the fun, with that big sword there you’re bound to have a few stories.”
Zathire: “I prefer the cold and the quite to the cozy campfire life.” (thoughts) Plus I don’t like to get caught off guard. I don’t know who you are or where you’re from, but I could sense you following us since we got in the caravan. I may not be able to see you but my ears are sharper than you might expect. Even if I fall asleep I’ll know where you are.
Eon: “Suit yourself.”

EARLY NEXT MORNING 5am

Eon: *yawn and stretch* *rubs eyes into focus* “Huh? You’re already awake?”
Zathire: (thoughts) I still don’t get why the person was only watching us. “Yeah I guess I had a lot on my mind.”
Eon: “I doubt that’s possible."
Zathire: (thoughts) I need to exercise my arms before I get cranky thinking about my annoying company and how I might have just helped them… unnecessarily…

Guard’s voice: “Stop right there you criminal scum!”
Zathire: “Just the opportunity I was waiting for!”
Guard: “We were told about a… GLAH!” *bone-dies* [Note: bone-dying is to dying as obese is to fat]
Hanyuu: *sniff* *sniff* mumbles: “Smells like blood.” *Wakes up grabbing cleavers*
Eon: *Gets stabbed in back by two swords and crumbles* “A-ah!” *raises hand feebly* (trembles) “Your mistake…” *pulls life out of back stabbers* *wounds heal* (suddenly awake sounding) “That was close!”

Zathire: *chop* *chop* (or more accurately *smash* *smash*)
Hanyuu: *cleave* *cleave*
Eon: *fires dark arrow* (Note: in RPG terms combining black lighting with an arrow fired from a bow creates this attack)

10 guards: *are all soon dead*
Edgeworth: “Wow I was not expecting that! Not only did you guys beat them but… Wow… they didn’t even stand a chance…” *nods approvingly* “I guess I’m with the right crowd.”

AFTER THE GROUP GETS EDGEWORTH TO MEZJVIL 11am

Hayabusapiro: “Here is the 220 gold now tell me: How did they handle the situation?”
Edgeworth: “A lot better than you’d think.”
Hayabusapiro: “Who was their strongest?”
Edgeworth: “It’s hard to tell, all three were extremely powerful…”
Hayabusapiro: “Hmm, what irritating news. Tell me what was their strength and weakness? That is what I originally came here to discuss.”
Edgeworth: “What do you plan on doing?”
Hayabusapiro: “Mind your own concerns.”
Edgeworth: “Right, right, sorry… Uh I suppose… um… perhaps their weapons. They seemed rather dependent, especially the cleaver girl and the heavy swordsmen. The Black Witch seemed to be able to use magic so I don’t think she really needs her bow.” *takes a sigh of stress then gulps* “Oh and the swordsmen doesn’t seem to get along too well with the others, I don’t know if that’s a weakness or not but I don’t think the group is very cohesive.”
Hayabusapiro: “It seems you’ve caught on, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask more of you.
Edgeworth: “More?”
Hayabusapiro: *smiles* “Here’s the deal… The Crimson Beak was already aware of most of the Black Witch’s and the Healer’s abilities having fought against one and alongside the other, but the new member seems still a mystery to him, as if he came out of the mountains or something. You have confirmed his suspicions and now you will partake in the second phase of his plan.”

Edgeworth: “But you only said…”
Hayabusapiro: “Remember who you’re talking to.”
Edgeworth: (thoughts) This gets worse every second.
Hayabusapiro: “You will find them again, but this time, late at night you will take their weapons and slip this into the Black Witch’s drink. In the morning, if you are still with them, the guards have been informed to attack.
Edgeworth: “I can’t… I just can’t betray them like that; it hurts…”
Hayabusapiro: “Let me make it worth your while then.” *pulls out katana and holds it in front of neck.* “For your next task you will be paid 440 gold, twice what it was you got last time, consequently refusing the task and you’ll have one of the Crimson Beak’s top assassin’s waiting for you. And it seems my blade currently has quite the head start.”
Edgeworth: *gulps* *sighs and thinks about his life* “Very well, I’ll take the gold, don’t kill me.”
Hayabusapiro: “HA HA! I knew we could come within terms of agreement! Now run off to join your little friends!”

Edgeworth: “Hey my buddies wait for me.”
Eon: *Turns around*
Edgeworth: *comes running out from the hustle and bustle of the city market.*
Hanyuu: “Have you decided to come along with us?”
Zathire: “That’d be fine by me having my personal supplier of food and Ganon Milk.”
Edgeworth: *gives a laugh* “Perhaps he could support my business with his appetite alone.”
Hanyuu: “Probably…”
Edgeworth: “What city is it that you’re going to?”
Eon: “Denzhert.”
Edgeworth: “Great! If that’s the case then I hope you don’t mind if I tag along again. You’re welcome to ride in the caravan if you like.”
Eon: “I suppose we have no reason to reject you.”
Edgeworth: *frowns* “That’s good… I suppose… I should jog back and get the caravan.”

LATER IN THE CARAVAN 5pm

Eon: “So up until now, we’ve been running. From what I’ve gathered the Crimson Beak has an extensive force of many levels. To even get word of him we need to cause a lot of trouble to bring attention to some of his higher ranking generals. Then we’ve got to capture one and ask…” *anime vein pops out of head* “ZATHIRE!”
Zathire: (cranky mumble) “Shut up and let me take my nap.”
Hanyuu: (facetious) “After he drinks his milk he wants to nap like a baby.”
Zathire: “Damn strait…” *yawn*
Eon: *really pissed*
Zathire: “Look I’m not much of one for plans anyway… Let the others know I’m sure they’re all listening and interested. I’ll just do whatever when the time is right. You’ll be fine.”
Eon: “But you’re part of the plan…”
Hanyuu: “You’re arguing with a brick… Let’s face it, he’s useless…”
Eon: “I’m starting to agree with you.” *rambles on about the plan*

LATER THAT NIGHT 9pm

Edgeworth: “Do you really think there can ever be an end to the Crimson Beak’s reign of terror?”
Eon: “To be honest with you… No…”
Edgeworth: “Then why are you…”
Eon: “Because there’s no other way to go about it, is there?”
Edgeworth: “Uh…” *pause* “Hmm… Let’s just say in a make believe scenario: That the Crimson Beak in exchange for one of us having a second chance… Eh never mind…”
Eon: “I doubt there’s any promise from him or any of his horrid minions that could be counted on.”
Edgeworth: “Is that so… I guess there’s no…” *pause* “Hope, hope for any whether they oppose him or not.”

LATER YET 3am

Hayabusapiro: “Hello there.” *smiles at Edgeworth* “It seems someone forgot their sleep, well not everyone…” *looks at sleeping Zathire covered in cartons*
Hayabusapiro: (facetious sarcasm) “You have a guilty look. You weren’t planning on sabotaging them were you? Say stealing their weapons and disappearing off into the night? That enchanted sword I’m guessing could reap quite the sale.”
Edgeworth: *forces a weak laugh* [it’s not genuine and it shows to the clever assassin] (thoughts) If I don’t die now I’ll live with regret my whole life. That’s it, Eon is right, nothing good can come of me betraying them. Yet I can’t bring myself to directly confront him. Death still scares me it seems…
Hayabusapiro: “Because if you can’t…” *threatening look*
Edgeworth: “I can’t…”
Hayabusapiro: “The fool has some balls at least…”
Edgeworth: “I’m staying with them; I don’t care if your army kills me in the morning.”
Hayabusapiro: “That saves the trouble of getting rid of you later.” *glances over to the tent* “But how much do you want to bet your courage has a limit?”
Edgeworth: *nervous frown*
Hayabusapiro: “I’m going to steal their weapons now, and you’re not going to say anything or wake them up.” *lifts sword to neck* “Are you?” Edgeworth: (thoughts) Crap how come he’d know? How would he know I’d be this afraid? Say something; don’t let him play this game with you. “No…”
Hayabusapiro: *smiles* “Good…”

NEXT MORNING 7am

Eon: Huh? The carriage is gone! Our weapons!—Edgeworth… Thief!
Hanyuu & Zathire: *Wake up*
Eon: *something catches corner of her eye* “No he’s here…” *Notices look on Edgeworth* “Hey you don’t look so well.”
Hanyuu: “Is something wrong?”
Edgeworth: *unintelligible groan* [is curled up in a ball, head between knees]

Fat Voice: “Oh no! Everything’s starting to look right to me.”
Several (17) guards: *surround the place*
Edgeworth: “I couldn’t… I didn’t…”
Hanyuu: “Look whatever it is, we’ll have to solve this crisis later, right now we have to…” *dodge*

Guard1: “A feisty one!”
Guard2: “Ease up on the kill’n blow mate. He’s specifically ordered us to capture the two girls…”
Zathire: “Well then it looks like I have nothing to worry about. I’m finishing my nap.”
Guard2: “As for the heavy swordsmen, we’ll assume he wants him dead.”
Zathire: *sets himself on the ground* “HAA! I’d like to see you try…” *yawns and rolls over onto belly* “Go capture, the girls for whatever prostitution-ish plans the lecherous bird has… You’ve no concern with me.”
Guard3&4: *!* “Hey is he mocking us?” *!*
Guard1: “What did you call him? Watch what your saying when you speak of your Majesty’s Crimson Beak!”
Eon: “My powers, they’re gone!” (thoughts) So much for that distraction…
Hanyuu & Eon: *Get surrounded and muscled down by large numbers.* *shackles and chain are attached*

Zathire: *gets stabbed* “Hey! You jackass!”

Hayabusapiro: “So this is how it ends! Too bad Edgeworth, you should have left them when I gave you the chance…”
Hanyuu & Eon: (thoughts) Huh? What’s going on?
Edgeworth: “I’m sorry I betrayed you! Your weapons… I couldn’t stop him… I wasn’t strong enough…”

Hayabusapiro: “Shut your face, before you disgrace me! The Crimson Beak has offered me a chance to spare you for some of his other tasks…” *grits teeth* “Don’t embarrass me or him with your weak sense of repentance.”

Zathire: *picks up guard that stabbed him and throws him* “What the hell do you guys think you’re doing—trying to piss me off?”
Gaurd4: “What the? We were told they’d be weak and helpless without their weapons!”
Zathire: *walks up to guard4 and grabs him by the neck* “Weak and helpless? You piece of shit!” *lifts him by the neck*
Guard5: *charges in* *gets kicked down*

Zathire: *slams guard4 down on guard5* *steps on top of both of them* “Look! I didn’t ask for any trouble! You can either leave now or I’m going to break all your arms one by one.”
Hayabusapiro: “Who is this guy?”

Guard1&6: *charge with swords pointed like spears* “HAH!” *both stab him*
Zathire: “Gah! That’s hurts…” *starts crumbling over*
Edgeworth: *runs over and grabs a sword of one of the fallen goons*
Zathire: *Gets up and pushes guard against tree then slams elbow into face*
Edgeworth: *stabs other guard in the back while he’s not looking*
Zathire: *grabs sword* (thoughts) These guys can actually fight with these toothpicks?
Zathire and Edgeworth: *line up back to back*
Hayabusapiro: “You four—over there! Take the two young ladies back to the clutches of the beak, the rest of you remain here with me, I will deal with the arrogant one alone.”

Edgeworth: “Hey if I die, I want you to look after the other two for me… I know your not much for emotions and that kind of thing, but please just consider it.”
Zathire: “No promises… but I’ll think about it.”
Edgeworth: *holds sword ready* (thoughts of Hanyuu and Eon) I’ve failed you once, I’m not going to let it happen again.

MEANWHILE

Eon: (thoughts) Crap there’s no way out of this… We just have to hope those two succeed and come after us.
Gaurd8: “Are you thinking of your two little boyfriends? Let me assure you, neither of you are getting rescued, Hayabusapiro is a more deadly assassin than you think.”
Eon: (thoughts) What an annoying guy… I hope something terrible happens to him.

New voice (playful): “Banzai!”
Guard8: “Huh?”
Seal: *Falls from the sky and lands on guard8* “Oruogh”

Eon: “Wow I should make wishes more often.”
Guard9: “We’re under attack! Kill the prisoners!”
Guard10: “Not without, Hayabusapiro’s permission, otherwise we’re next on the list.”
Guard9&11: (shouting) “Hayabusapiro it’s an ambush!”

AT THE OTHER FIGHT

Zathire: “Owe, owe, owe.” *gets stabbed three times*
Voice from afar: “Hayabusapiro it’s an ambush!”
Hayabusapiro: *smiles* “Looks like you might live to bleed for another day, enjoy it!” *leaves them for the next battle*

Edgeworth: “Come on! Follow him, now’s our chance to save them.”
Zathire: *thinks about it* “Can I break the other ones first?”
All remaining guards: *take a step backwards*
Edgeworth: “There’s no time! Remember the caravan; they still have all your milk!”
Zathire: “Alright, you got me convinced…”

AT THE AMBUSH

Guard10: *gets hit by surprise fireball from somewhere*
Guard9: “Well he’s gone, I’m not letting them get away alive.” *stabs Hanyuu twice in back*
Hanyuu: “Ahh!”
Hayabusapiro: “You idiot!” *throws ninja star killing guard9* “You’re going to get me killed with your stupidity!”

Edgeworth & Zathire: *join up with group*
Guard11: *steps away and closer to Hayabusapiro*

A red hooded stranger: *Appears*

Hayabusapiro: *eyes widen* “No! It couldn’t be!” *throws dart into Hanyuu* (thoughts) Even if they have him now… At least she won’t be able to heal anyone… Their team is getting too powerful. *retreats ditching lone guard11*

Seal: *poof* *turns to human* “Hi I’m Kitez! That’s my mommy. He will save you! When you get better can you be my auntie?”
Hanyuu: *smiles [but knows she won’t]* “When I get better…” *nods*
Kitez: “Yay!”
Zathire & Edgeworth: (thoughts) Mommy?—He? What’s wrong with this kid?
Red hooded stranger: *takes a key out of sleeve* *unlocks chains*
Eon: “A key? Where’d you get that?”
Red hooded stranger: “That’s a secret.”

TCB
Chapter 1: Formation of the Team
Scene 4: PSF Manga



Edgeworth: “I’m sorry… Can you guys forgive me?”
Hanyuu: *tries to say something*
Red hooded stranger: “It seems to be a sedative. Likely Hayabusapiro intends Hanyuu to be paralyzed and unable to heal until she bleeds to death."
Eon: “You know her name?”
Red hooded stranger: “That involves another secret I suppose, but I will tell you a name you can call me for now, Ruri.
Kitez: “You’re the Black Witch huh? My mommy has told me all about you! …though I still don’t know your real name.”
Eon: “It’s Eon… I hope that didn’t get me into anymore trouble… and before I forget you Edgeworth, yes we can forgive you. Having to live with Zathire is much worse trust me.”

Zathire: “Hey even I have feelings too!”
Eon: “No. You don’t.” *looks at him [with perhaps some pity]* “Shouldn’t you be dead by now? That’s a lot of wounds.”
Zathire: “Eh… it’ll heal by morning.”
Eon: “At first I would have doubted that…”

Kitez: “Crap… Hanyuu is our only healer! If she dies…”
Eon: “Then there’s no way to save any of us, and right now there’s no way to save her…”
Edgeworth: “Come on you guys at least one of you has to know something…”

Everyone: *long pause*

Zathire: “What’s the big deal? Every one of you is worthless…”
Kitez: “Is that really what you think of us?”
Ruri: “I think you made him moody Eon.”
Eon: “You seemed pretty determined about me not killing her when you took that chicken.”
Edgeworth: “Do you really expect some dumb story to change his…”
Zathire: “Don’t worry, I’ll save her.”
Kitez, Edgeworth, Eon, (And maybe Ruri [but his face can’t be seen]): *???*

Eon: “Why do I have a bad feeling about this?”

Zathire: *runs to the caravan* [Note: the caravan is lost and he should have no idea where to find it] *returns to the spot where Hanyuu lay*

Zathire: *pinches mouth open and pours in Ganon Milk!*
Hanyuu: (thoughts) NOOOOOOO!

Eon: “Are you sure that’s such a good idea? That stuff gives me the creeps…”
Kitez: “It scares me so much I imagine it’s drawing the very life force out of her now.”
Zathire: “Nonsense…”
Kitez: “But look at her face… It’s changed to an expression of horror.”
Zathire: “Look, it fortifies bones, and packs in protein. The protein is going to super heal any wounds a lot quicker. And the potency of the drink will wear off the sedative faster!” *loose thought* “Or… it might just make her blood too thick to bleed out…”
Hanyuu: *coming to* *mumbles* “Why?”
Zathire: “Huh?”
Hanyuu: “I would have rather died…”
Zathire: *shrugs* “It can’t be that bad?”
Hanyuu: “I feel like my virginity was just stolen away.”
Kitez: “AH HAHAHA!” *rolls on the ground laughing* “Auntie you’re the funniest!”
Eon: “But it seems you’re alive… *looks at Ganon Milk doubtfully* “surprisingly…”

Zathire: “I don’t know what you guys are talking about.” *shakes head like he thinks they’re all nuts* “It’s not that bad…” *chugs rest of carton*
Ruri: “It would be best if we took Hanyuu out of the way while she finishes recovering from the venom.”
Edgeworth: What do you suggest?
Ruri: “The Beak will be expecting us to run while we are weak no doubt, but we can run and stay near our objective at the same time.” *pulls out a black circle from his pocket*

Eon: (thoughts) Hey this guy is pretty useful. *fires arrow at last guard*
Kitez: “What’s it this time mommy?”
Ruri: “Another dimension…” *smiles [well it’s assumed at least…]* “When we come back out the beak will think we retreated and not expect us to be in such a readily offensive state.” *unfolds the circle and sticks it to the air* *A portal opens*

Hanyuu: “Hey what the hell? I feel heavy!”
Eon: “You’re probably still weak from the venom.”
Zathire: “That, and regular milk weighs 9 pounds per gallon, Ganon Milk weighs 37.5… for a half gallon…”
Hanyuu: “You fatass! What has your food done to me?”
Zathire: “Oh and when it fuses with your bones it becomes three times heavier, since some of the lightweight spells wear off… But you didn’t drink that much… I doubt you even gained 50 pounds…”
Hanyuu: *look of horror* “50 pounds!”

Eon: “What did you do to her? Let me see that carton.” *takes and reads* “Warning, never drink Ganon Milk strait from carton always dilute with regular milk 50 parts to one.” *frowns at Zathire* “This was supposed to be mixed with regular milk first. And you’re only supposed to use a couple ounces per gallon.”

Zathire: *dismissive wave* “pfft, who reads labels anyway.”
Eon: *continues reading* “It says: Ganon Milk should be drank in moderation due to high concentrations of calcium and phosphorus which can cause acid reflex disease.”
Zathire: *rolls eyes*
Eon: “Hey are you listening? This part is for you Zathire. Additionally males should avoid mineral over douse as this can lead to the build up of kidney stones sever enough to kill.” *Looks at Zathire* “That means you are going to die pissing blood!”
Zathire: (unimpressed) “Yeah if I had the body of a normal man.”
Eon & Edgeworth: *Carry Hanyuu*

Eon: “She is heavy…”
Edgeworth: “No kidding…”
Ruri: *Walks through portal*

Everyone but Zathire: *follows*
Eon: “Whoa, what’s with the change? You’re all starting to look different…” *turns around* “Hurry up Barbarian!”

Zathire: *shrugs* *follows* [when halfway through the portal] *looks down* “Hey did my gender just change?”

Ruri: “Soo, koko ni, minna wa onna no hito imasu. [Yes, I believe we are all females here.]”
Edgeworth: “Sore wa hen desu yo! [That’s weird]”
Zathire: “Eigo de hanashimasuyo! [Speak English!]”

Ruri: *reaches in sleeve and pulls out orb* “Sorry for the wait, this orb should negate all Japanese effects on our speech.”
Hanyuu: “What don’t you have in those pockets?”
Ruri: “That’s a secret.”
Hanyuu: “Oh you can set me down… It seems the evil affects of the Ganon Milk don’t affect me here.” *looks around* “I love this place!”
Ruri: “It was actually created by you in another dimension.”
Hanyuu: “You’re kidding?”
Ruri: “No, I’d brought you here because I thought it would be fitting, just like the world we were in was created by Zathire.”
Everyone: “By Zathire?”
Zathire: “Now I know he’s coughing up bullshit.” *looks around* “Well I guess I better start cracking these walls if we want to get anywhere… Hey! What gives? Where’d my battlesword go?”

Hanyuu: “You don’t need to crack them dummy. Look…” *Does a 2D transition to next picture* “Have you tried walking?”
Zathire: “I seriously don’t get it…”
Edgeworth: “Look in another dimension the rules and laws of physics don’t necessarily have to be the same as in the last one.”
Zathire: *Blink*
Hanyuu: “You’re not giving ‘her’ enough credit for being dumb.”
Edgeworth: “Come on he has some redeeming qualities…”

Ruri: *yawn* “Drop your boring arguing, refer to our past genders, and follow me into the next scene. No more questions please.”
Zathire: “Wait up! I need to try a few things first…” *eyes shift side to side then looks towards ‘her’ skirt.* “Hehe…”

Eon: *Sigh* “Don’t even go there!”
Zathire: “Hey it’s my body I can do whatever I damn well please with it…”
Eon: “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that…”
Zathire: “Come on its every man’s dream…”
Eon: *Grabs Zathire and drags ‘her’ into next scene* “It’s not going to happen pervert.”

Hanyuu: “What was it this time?”
Eon: “Let’s just leave it at the he-she was having a curious moment.”
Hanyuu: “I don’t want to know.”

Kites: “So mommy how long do we have to be in this place before auntie heals?”
Hanyuu: “I don’t see why we have to leave… This place has everything… Why would we want to go back to that dull and horrid world with the Crimson Beak in it?”
Eon: “We’re going back… Until the Crimson Beak is gone, people will suffer. I’m not selfish. I won’t stay here while more people get punished without reason.”
Ruri: “This place is I believe about a meal being cooked. Let’s all have lunch and then ditch this manga after we’ve stolen the entire kitchen’s food.”
Zathire: “Finally another genius like me!”
Eon: *opens mouth to say something but then just shakes head*

Everyone: *Works as team to cook and prepare food*

Zathire: “Whoa I can feel the weight of objects in my hand!”
Kites: “She’s not very smart is she mommy?”
Hanyuu: “Now you finally know what it feels like to be weak and normal!”
Kites: (thoughts) Why does auntie hate the-her-him so much?
Hanyuu: “I hope you end up staying like this when we return. That would be funny!”
Zathire: “Hey then I could finish conducting my… experiments… That’d be sweet!”
Hanyuu: (dry expression) “Never mind… I take it back…”
Ruri: “The food is ready.”

Zathire: “Alright, but where’s the rest of it?”
Eon: *looks at humongous feast* “What do you mean the rest of it?”
Zathire: “There isn’t even enough for me…”
Ruri: “Try eating it first… You can eat all you like Zathire.”
Edgeworth, Eon & Hanyuu: “Are you crazy?”
Zathire: “Alright! Now that’s what I’m talking about!” *starts feasting* “Impossible!”
Ruri: “That’s right in this world not only is your strength limited, as I calculated, but also your appetite…”

Zathire: “No actually it’s that I just noticed with all this Japanese crap, no one made any mashed potatoes… I’m still going to eat everything without shame.”
Eon: “Well I for one never volunteered to give up MY food.” *looks at Ruri*
Ruri: *anime sweat drop*

Hanyuu: “It looks like we’re all going to have a race to the finish.”
Kites: “I want to race too!” *turns into a bear*

A LOT OF CHAOS LATER

Eon: “Well that was a great vacation! And it looks like we trashed the house and destroyed this manga were in.” *looks at complete destruction* “Well, time to leave before taking responsibility for the mess.”
Everyone: *agrees like jackasses*
Ruri: *Takes out white circle* “Here’s our return portal.”
Hanyuu: *Looks back* “I’ll miss you wonderful place.”
Ceiling fan: *breaks off roof*

Hanyuu: “But I’m not quite ready to fix up that mess…” *steps through portal* Hey my wounds have healed and it doesn’t quite feel like 50 pounds anymore.”
Zathire: “90% of the effect isn’t permanent. I’m guessing you only gained 4 permanent pounds, nothing to sweat…”
Hanyuu: [in a good mood] *doesn’t complain*
Eon: “We’re in a good position right now… Lucherous Pentaro of the Eagle Brigade is just inside that castle we were almost taken to. I’m a pretty good assassin. We might be able to get him to tell us where the beak resides, and then we can kill him.”
Edgeworth: *thinks it over* *nods his support*
Eon: “This is all thanks to Ruri… Likely Lucherous thinks we’ve all retreated to Horsepale in a desperate attempt to get medical attention for Hanyuu. He won’t expect a thing when we come knocking on his front door!”

TCB
Chapter 2: Rebellion
Scene 1: Making an Example



Hayabusapiro: *kneels before the Crimson Beak* (thoughts) I have to convince him that it was the troop’s fault or it will be my head.
The Crimson Beak: “You’ve failed.”
Hayabusapiro: “Your Majesty they…” (thoughts) Shit I didn’t even get a chance…
The Crimson Beak: “I do not have time for excuses.”
Hayabusapiro: *holds back words* *goes down on both knees and puts hands on ground, head resting on cold tile*
The Crimson Beak: (voice is pleased) “At least it seems you know your place.” *takes a pause of intrigue* “I happen to have a task that you might redeem yourself.”
Hayabusapiro: *rises up into the kneeling position*
The Crimson Beak: “Back at Axzile, there are some demonstrators, lead by one called the Elric Girl. They are getting bold. You will kill them all, and then humiliate her in a slow public death, that others might see what it is to stand up before me.”
Hayabusapiro: “At your desire…”
The Crimson Beak: “Do not think I am not aware that your failure was in part to blame by the incompetence of your assigned forces. That is why I am willing to forgive you this once. Take the Heavy Owl Brigade, and if you fail to make an example of her, I will make one of you.”
Hayabusapiro: “About the Black Witch…”
The Crimson Beak: “You are testing my patience…”
Haybusapiro: “No, I insist there is some information that you must know.”
The Crimson Beak: “Very well, you may inform me.”
Hayabusapiro: “The Pocket… he has joined up, and the merchant you desired has taken to their side as well.”
The Crimson Beak: “Are you trying to end your own life?”
Hayabusapiro: “No, I ensure you there is some good news. The heavy swordsmen, one they call Zathire. Until now, we had thought he was nobody who used a magic sword to crack your walls. He is stronger than we anticipated, even without the weapon, but he did not appear to be loyal to the Black Witch’s cause. I do not think it would be hard to persuade him to our cause.”
The Crimson Beak: “Excellent, perhaps this Zathire might be of some use in my game of pawns and intrigue.”

Eon: “I can’t believe you drink that stuff knowing how heavy it will make you…”
Zathire: *throws empty carton in caravan* “Hey I need the extra weight; otherwise some of my fancier moves with the sword would be overbalanced. Plus: Does it matter if you’re that much stronger?”
Eon: (sarcasm) “Hmm I don’t know… How about swimming if you’re denser than a rock?”
Zathire: “Then wouldn’t you just walk on the bottom?”
Eon: “Denser in two ways it seems…”
Kites: *turns into bunny*
Hanyuu: “Awe how cute…” *gives Kites hug*
Zathire: (thoughts) Estrogen…
Eon: “Well everybody follow me.” *goes up to castle wall*
Zathire: “Walls, I hate walls… But I LOVE CRACKING them.”
Eon: “Good then I’ll point and you crack.” *point*
Zathire: *crack*
Eon: *point*
Zathire: *crack*
Eon: *point*
Zathire: *crack*
Eon: *point*
Zathire: *crack*
Hanyuu: “The Neanderthal is being oddly convenient…”
Eon: “I know, for once…” *point*
Zathire: *crack*
Eon: *point*
Zathire: *crack*
Others: *follow*
Lucherous: “What? It can’t be!”
Eon: *smiles* “Surprised to see me?”
Lucherous: “You, you’re the Black Witch!”
Eon: (sarcasm) “Great observation, but I have some useful things for you to tell us too.”
Zathire: “Yeah where are you hiding the food?”
Hanyuu: *delivers slap*
Lucherous: [is staring confused] “Uh…”
Eon: “The Crimson Beak… what’s he up to these days?”
Lucherous: “I don’t…” *pause* “What do you mean?”
Eon: “Where’s he hiding?”
Lucherous: “Is this the bargaining factor for my life?” *starts laughing*
Hanyuu: (tough voice) “What’s so funny?”
Lucherous: “I will tell you.”
Zathire: [Interrupts] “Hey sweet I found ham!”
Hanyuu: *delivers second slap*
The Crimson Beak does not hide. If you wish to find him go to Kuresstholt in Blackvail he will be waiting there in his palace.”
Eon: *Throws Lucherous down*
Lucherous: “It’s your grave…”
Eon: “Perhaps your right, but next time you barter information for your life, you should state your end of the bargain before selling yourself short.”
Lucherous: “Wait you…”
Eon: *points finger* *causal zap*
Lucherous Pentaro: *dies*
Random Cook: *approaches room* “Mr. Pentaro your cookies are ready!” *notices mob around dead body* *screams*
Zathire: “Wait everything’s alright; he would have wanted me to eat them.”

LATER AFTER EXITING NEW SERIES OF CRACKED HOLES IN CASTLE

Hanyuu: “Couldn’t we have just gone out the first set of holes?”
Ruri: “I rather enjoyed the spectacle.”
Edgeworth: “And now we don’t have to walk around to the other side of the castle.”
Zathire: *stuffs last cookie in mouth*
Eon: “I can’t believe the cook actually gave you those.”
Hanyuu: “I certainly wouldn’t have given a fat barbarian any more cookies.”
Kites: “I think you’re a bit jealous auntie!”
Hanyuu: *pouty face* “Maybe…”

MEANWHILE AT AXZILE

Crowd: (chant) “Down with the Crimson Beak! Down with the Crimson Beak!”
Ms. Elric: (shouts) “Are we going to be silenced?”
Crowd: “No!”
Ms. Elric: *uses fire magic to roast a chicken on a spic* “This is what we think of your bird empire.”
Guards: *Getting pushed around and forced back into the walls*
Ms. Elric: *does a spinning fire kick to guard*
3 Rioters: *drop dead* [by ninja star]
Mob: *Becomes silent*
Hayabusapiro: “Round them up, crush any that resist!”
Heavy Owl Brigade: *surrounds and contains whole rioting mob*
Hayabusapiro: “So the little battle mage thinks she has what it takes to be a tough girl.”
Random rioter: [speaks up] “Hey you shut your face we’re not taking this anymore!”
Hayabusapiro: “First owl! Show this outspoken individual some affection for his boldness.”
Owl 1: *clanks in heavy armor, grabs protester and slits throat with sword*
Hayabusapiro: “Anyone else have anything to say?”
Crowd: [silence]
Hayabusapiro: “Good.”
Ms. Elric: “This is what I was talking about! They’re just trying to—Agh!” *gets daggered*
Hayabusapiro: “Oh little Elric girl, I’m somewhat disappointed that we didn’t get to see any of your renown fire magic or martial arts.” *pulls out dagger* “It’s a shame this had to be poisoned; otherwise you would have a chance to be a heroin again and fail once more in front of all your adorning fans.” *kicks her to the ground and looks to the owl brigade* “Round up and chain all of her followers, kill any that resist!”
Crowd: *is dominated*
Ms. Elric: “You bastard!” *gets up with flaming high kick* *strikes and disarms poison dagger*
Hayabusapiro: “So there’s still some fight in you after all?” *takes a hand to hand stance*
Hayabusapiro & Ms. Elric: *kung-fu action*
AFTER AN INTENCE BATTLE

Haybasuapiro: *pins Ms. Elric on her knees bent over in upside-down right shoulder lock* “It seems your rash behavior has come to an end.”
Ms. Elric: “Not yet…” [with left hand] *grabs poisoned dagger*
Hayabusapiro: “No!”
Ms. Elric: *stabs hamstring* “Too late. If I go down I’m taking you with me!”
Hayabusapiro: “You idiot, you bitch! There’s no cure!”
Ms. Elric: *weak smile* “HA you should have thought of that before you stabbed me!” *passes out from venom*
Hayabusapiro: “Kill the prisoners, march her body and head on a stake through the streets.” (mumbles) “No! I’m not supposed to die.”

TCB
Chapter 2: Rebellion
Scene 2: Elf Drama



Zathire: “So how much longer do I have to travel with you fruitcakes?”
Edgeworth: “You’re the fruitiest one here no offence buddy.”
Zathire: [ignores Edgeworth] “I’m getting bored-er by the day. If we don’t crack this Crimson Beak soon I’m leaving.”
Eon: “Patients we're almost there, we know where he is now. So all we have to do is get there.”
Zathire: “I thought you knew where he was from the beginning.”
Hanyuu: “Chances are you still don’t.”
Eon: “Huh?”
Hanyuu: “Likely the general of the Eagle Brigade you just killed was planted with false information.”
Eon: “You’re kidding right?”
Hanyuu: “I, before I left the position, was once one of the second highest ranking units under his command. It’s true that the beak does not hide, at least in any conventional sense, but he does not make himself available to the public or even any but his highest ranking commanders, as they are in his definition, not worthy to stand in his presence and waste his time.”
Eon: “So we’re probably following a trail of bread crumbs to nowhere?”
Hanyuu: “No, I doubt that. Likely, if Lucherous ever felt there was something he needed to report to the Crimson Beak he would bring the information to the location he thought the Crimson Beak resided, and from there as secret member of the Beak’s Elite would gather the information and deliver the message if they saw it fit.”
Eon: “Beak’s Elite?”
Hanyuu: “Ah yes, I suppose you wouldn’t know the depth of his hierarchy would you… Let’s just say that the general you thought was on top, is on top, of the lowest level. There are the Beak’s Elite, a secret level above the basic, where a grunt outranks a general, and then there’s one more above that before you have the Beak himself. The highest group doesn’t even have a name; but there you will find the real power. They are the ones that make rules and play games of intrigue with the people. They play with the armies sometimes leading civil wars between their own troops. But even they lay under the ever stretching shadow, even they, rulers of nations and manipulators of wars kneel under the ever watchful eye of the Beak.”
Zathire: *yawn* “Wonderful bedtime story but you forgot to feed me before tucking me in.”
Kites: “What a jackass…” [Gains a few nods of approval] “…Especially after you were the one that stole the ham and ate all the cookies for yourself…”
Zathire: “Hey the guy was dead.”
Edgeworth: “Actually you started rummaging before he died.”
Zathire: *dismissive wave* “Same thing, the point is: When are we going to eat? I’m starving!”
Hanyuu: “I can’t believe we have to put up with this…”
Eon: *puts hand to head and gives uncomfortable sigh*
Zathire: “Oh well…” *rugged sigh* “I guess I’ll just have to settle with a drink…” *hopeless shrug* *guzzles a whole half gallon*
Hanyuu: “You’re so disgusting.”
Zathire: “Hey do you have a problem with me?”
Hanyuu: (sarcasm) “Oh me what would ever make you think that?”
Zathire: [even angrier than normal] “Oh maybe it’s just me, but generally someone who just can’t pass up a chance to complain about every little thing you do has a problem.”
Hanyuu: “And what would you say if I said I do?” *gritting teeth*
Eon: “Hey you two what the hell?”
Zathire: *gets battle-sword ready* “Then I guess I’d say: We’ll have work things out.”
Hanyuu: “Finally we agree on something!” *brandishes cleavers*
Eon: *puts hand on Hanyuu’s shoulder* “Hey stop!”
Kites: “I’m scarred mommy.”
Edgeworth: “I don’t think anything we say or do will stop them now.”

HALF A MILE AHEAD OF GROUP

Random troop: *steps on sprout*
Elf: [from far in the forest] *witnesses event* *cries for baby plant*
Elf’s tear: *splashes on the ground*

BACK AT ARGUMENT

Zathire: *Battle-hears the elf tear splash* [feral growling sounds] *grinds teeth with anger, veins start popping, turns red then battle-sprints off towards forest*
Hanyuu: “Did he retreat?”
Edgeworth: “I don’t know but something’s wrong. Were you really going to fight him? Maybe he won’t hit a girl and is going away to cry.”
Eon: *laughs* “If that’s the case I got to see it…”

BACK AT PATROL GROUP

Random troop: “Glah!” [bone-tightening noises] *neck breaks*
Zathire: *appears behind guard, releases neck and drops him dead* *stars at corpse* “You unforgivable bastard!”
Another troop: (trembling) “What did he do?”
Troop3: “Don’t ask him you idiot, kill him!”
Zathire: *eyes are bloodshot* “Are you saying you’re his friends?”

WITH EON’S GROUP

Everyone: *screams are heard*
Kites: “Come on this way!” *turns to rabbit*

A COUPLE MINUTES LATER

Eon: “Holy crap they’re all dead.”
Edgeworth: “Massacre…”
Ruri: “It seems from the wounds that all these missing limbs were torn off, not cut. Seeing as he left the sword in the caravan. He is stronger than I thought he was.”
Eon: “I’ve never seen him like this… I wonder if…” *looks at Hanyuu* (thoughts) Did she make him this angry? “Never mind…” *looks ahead* “Be careful everyone, he’s surprised us before, I don’t know how safe what we’re doing is.” *draws precautionary arrow*
Edgeworth: “Hey there he is!” *confused* “What the…”
Zathire: *flirty skipping* “I’ve taken care of your problem.”
Kites: (whispers to group) “Is he talking to himself?”
Eon: “So it seems…” *lowers arrow*
Ruri: “Perhaps he has a secret?”
Hanyuu: “Or he could be retarded…”
Kites: *snorts laughter*
Edgeworth: “Shush, maybe we can find out what’s going on.”
Elf (from far away): “You actually know I’m here and can hear me?”
Zathire: (suddenly serious) “I know you’re here, I have better ears than you might think, and I am talking to you, so I hope that answers any questions.
Eon: (whispers) “I think he’s talking to you Hanyuu.”
Elf: “I know you meant for the best, they destroyed a plant’s life and for that I am sad, but you went too far. Their lives have meaning too.”
Zathire: “I know what humans sometimes do is unforgivable.”
Hanyuu: (thoughts) What’s going on… Is he asking for forgiveness? Him…
Zathire: “I’m sorry if I got a little carried away earlier... But I just couldn’t handle seeing a tear on your face and this was the only way I knew how to handle the situation.”
Kites: “I never knew someone like him could feel so sorry for the way he acted. You know in truth you’ve probably been meaner to him than he was to you Hanyuu. At least he never knew when he was being an ass. He’s too dumb.”
Elf: “Still as far as I know you’re a stranger and from what I’ve seen a freak on top of that.”
Zathire: “I know it may be hard for you to hear or believe this with how sudden this is, but you’re the type of girl I’ve always been looking for.”
Everyone: *looks at Hanyuu*
Hanyuu: *blushes* (thoughts) I’ve never even thought about such a thing. This is so sudden, and everyone had to hear you say it, and now they’re all looking to me. Can I help but blush? “Is he really saying this to me?”
Kites: “Ohh Auntie is turning a bit red!”
Eon: “How romantic, he’s confessing his true feelings!”
Edgeworth: “This is a really scary time for a man, whether you like him or not you should say something to him.”
Zathire: “I know there’s a lot of a differences between us, and I know how awkward this all might seem, but ever since I saw you, no, maybe even before… I always knew it was our destiny to be together.”
Elf: “You still scare me too much for me to readily agree to be with you. And a relationship takes time to build trust. But I give you some credit, for a human you’re definitely something else.” *jumps onto higher branch* “I’d tell you catch me if you can, but you wouldn’t stand a chance. Maybe we’ll cross paths some time in the future.”
Ruri: “It seems the drama in PSF has reached its breaking point.”
Eon: “I almost forgot about the Crimson Beak.”
Hanyuu: *long pause*
Zathire: “I guess it’s up to me to take the intuitive then… Oh this will be a surprise for you.”
Hanyuu: *nervous* (thoughts) What are you planning?
Zathire: *backs up to get ready for sprint* *notices other members [lurking] (especially Hanyuu)* “I guess you follow me like a moth into a fire. First you piss me off, now you can’t get enough of me? Look I don’t have patience to carry on this little charade any longer. I have a real woman to chase after, so find someone else to dump your life’s problems on.” *chases after elf*
Eon: *momentarily speechless* “How cruel…”
Ruri: “I believe he set us up.”
Edgeworth: “I never suspected he was that much of an ass…”
Kites: “He led auntie on just to mess with her head and humiliate her… Is he some sort of evil genius or something?”
Eon: “He’s always full of surprises it seems… Liar was one I didn’t expect.”
Edgeworth: “I’ll say…”
Hanyuu: “I didn’t even know people could stoop that low.”
Eon: “I can’t believe what he did to you. You must have really pissed him off. But it’s unforgivable that he crossed the lines he did.”
Elf: *Skips delicately from fine tree branch to tree branch*
Zathire: *power cracks through forest* [note: a shit load more vegetation is being killed than by the random troop]
Kites: “Well I guess he’s gone…”
Edgeworth: “You know despite all the crap he seemed to generate…”
Eon: “I take it from his appetite, you have two meanings?”
Edgeworth: “Yeah well, what I was going to say is, he did save my life, and I know he saved yours too Hanyuu. Whether he actually cared about the fact that he did it is besides the point.”
Eon: *blinks* “He humiliated and ditched us…” *pauses* (admits) “But he saved my life from some fatass with a hammer the first instant he barged into it.”
Edgeworth: “I guess what I’m trying to say is he wasn’t completely bad for us.”
Kites: “Edgeworth can see the good in our experience. Mommy can you see the good in it?”
Ruri: “That’s a secret.”

TCB
Chapter 2: Rebellion
Scene 3: Without Zathire



Eon: “This journey has been really quite.”
Kites: “I miss the chaos and fighting.”
Eon: “Who knew he’d be good for something. I’d say I miss him already but if he were back I’m pretty sure I’d change my mind pretty quick. Oh well either way without him we have to revert to the old fashion way of disguise and sneak to infiltrate castles.” *looks at upcoming castle* “Any plans?”
Edgeworth: “Kites what if you turned into a snake.”
Kites: “I could try, but I suck at changing into things that aren’t mammals.”
Edgeworth: “Then a bat!”
Eon: “That might be useful, but before he goes in we need a plan to get the rest of us inside, preferably fast or sneaky enough so that we can keep a step ahead of the guards.”
Ruri: “Why don’t we just crack the walls like we did last time?”
Eon: *hands on hips* “And how do plan on doing that?”
Ruri: *pulls a complex steel cylinder out of sleeve.* *turns a knob on it* [red light emits from one end like a sword]
Eon: “What the hell is that?”
Ruri: “It’s a light-saber, I believe they are not that common from where we are… or when more accurately.”
Kites: “Mommy always has something for everything.”
Ruri: *cuts bricks* *kicks down slab*
Eon: (impressed) “Hey it doesn’t even sound off an exploding alarm like Zathire… faster and quieter…” *looks ahead* “Speaking of that…” *takes out arrow* *headshots tower watch* *pauses and thinks* “Hey Ruri, do you have a wig in there?”
Guard: *falls on ground before them.*
Ruri: “What color?”
Eon: “How about long, white, and female?”
Ruri: *pulls out wig* “I take it the style wasn’t that important?”
Eon: “You’re amazing.” *grabs wig* “Hey Hanyuu, you’re still geared up in your full Crimson Cleric outfit right?”
Hanyuu: *nods*
Eon: “Then wear this wig and go scout out the inside of that hall ahead of us. Kites, if you could turn into a squirrel and scan the outside perimeter… That would be great.”
Hanyuu: *nods* *takes off*
Kites: “Aye, aye commander!” *turns into squirrel and scampers away.*

A COUPLE MINUTES LATER

Kites: *humanizes* “It looks like mostly dead ends and places to other hallways, but no clear outside path to the main keep.”
Hanyuu: “It looks like the halls are a good path, there’s a few patrolling guards but since they didn’t recognize me as a threat, I think they can be assassinated without causing a disturbance.”
Eon: “Good it looks like we’re really starting to pull it off as a team. We’ll go your way Hanyuu, but hide the bodies and try to spill as little blood as possible.
Ruri: I will go with her and burn their wounds then.
Edgeworth: “Hey wait up guys.” *Is suiting up in tower guards uniform* “Let me go too, I’ll distract them if I can.”
Ruri: “Three might be too many, so take my place, but also take these magazines with you then.” *hands a stack* “They ought to keep the guards occupied.”
Edgeworth: *opens first page* “Oh! I see…” *blushes*
Eon: Okay new plan, Edgeworth you get as many guards distracted as you can. Hanyuu, it’s your job to kill the rest then report back to me when the way is cleared.”

5 MINUTES LATER

Hanyuu: *returns*
Eon: “So how many were left?”
Hanyuu: “Zero, news spread quickly about the magazines, the whole platoon and even some from the other division are flocking over them now.”
Eon: “I would have thought there would be at least some men that weren’t so…”
Hanyuu: “Zero.”
Edgeworth: *returns* “Apparently I’m their new hero now.” *smile* “And the market man in me, couldn’t help but take, at least a little advantage of the situation.” *Holds up three burlap sacks full of gold and smiles* “From the way things were heating up in there it wouldn’t surprise me if the two platoons have a civil war pretty soon.”
Kites: “What was on those magazines mommy?”
Ruri: “That’s a secret.”
Eon: “Well it looks like the way is clear, let’s go before this distraction draws too many people to the area and backfires.”

AT THE MAIN KEEP

Eon’s Group: *Arrives*
Eon: “Tiger Claw!”
Tiger Claw: “My old rival… How nice to see you doing well again…”
Eon: “I’m guessing you’re a member of the Beak elite.”
Kites: “Him!”
Tiger Claw: “I didn’t know mice could last this long.”
Kites: “He tried to eat me before he left our clan.” *turns into bear*
Eon: “It seems you have made two arch rivals Tiger Claw. I guess it will be a race to see which one of us kicks your ass first!”
Tiger Claw: *calm snobby laugh* “I’m sure both of you will acquire your chance, whether assassin or animal is your fighting style, you’ll lose so the other won’t feel left out.” *turns into a tiger*
Kitez & Tiger Claw: *brutal lashing battle* *both get bloody and messed up*
Tiger Claw: *starts gaining the upper hand* *sees opportunity, gets death bite on neck*
Eon: (To Kitez and Tiger Claw) “You’ve had your chance, but I don’t care about honor, I’m not letting you die Kitez.” *starts drawing life force from tiger*
Tiger Claw: “Weakens and lets go.”
Hanyuu: *rushes in and starts healing Kitez*
Tiger Claw: *turns back into human*
Eon: “He messed you up pretty good. You know what the best part of being an assassin is?”
Tiger Claw: *snarls*
Eon: “There’s no such thing as cheating or unfair taking advantage of situations like the one I am now.”
Tiger Claw: *slashes with steel clawed glove [is weak and misses]*
Eon: *smiles* “I appreciate the life force; it really hits the spot when you’ve skipped out on lunch.”
Tiger Claw: “You coward!”
Eon: “But I’m almost done eating you, so any last words before you go?”
Tiger Claw: “Coward!”
Eon: “I guess not.” *gets struck by lighting* [life drain spell is broken]
New Voice: “I’m afraid I can’t let you do that Mr. Claw. The Crimson Beak has a task for you Mr. Claw and there is no time to be wasted in dying.”
Ruri: “Long time no see friend.”
New Voice: “Oh Mister Pocket, I hope you do not intend to delay us.”
Ruri: “Well Magnatron, I suppose that would depend on things wouldn’t it?”
Magnatron: “Well I’m busy at the moment, so I suppose we can delay any conflicts we might have dealt with more quickly if you weren’t here.”
Ruri: *bows* “I thank you for your generosity.”
Magnatron: *grabs Tiger Claw and leaves*
Hanyuu: “Are you alright Eon.”
Eon: “I’m fine; he just caught me off guard and broke my concentration that’s all. Regular magic doesn’t affect me much; it’s your light magic that I worry about.”
Hanyuu: “I only know how to use it to heal, so you don’t need to worry.” *finishes healing Kites*
Eon: *Looks at door they left through* “Now what are we going to do though?”
Ruri: “I believe we follow the tracking pin I put on Tiger Claw.”
Eon: “You genius! I could kiss you for that! What’s a tracking pin?”
Ruri: “Like the light-saber it wouldn’t make much sense to any of you. But I assure you with the device in my hand it will point out the way to go.”

The Crimson Beak: “Tiger Claw, you’re looking a bit ill. I hope you know what happens to the weaker fledgling in a nest. Its rival sibling gobbles all the food and grows faster and stronger than it, and soon it is replaced and dies. It would be unfortunate for you if a more suitable fledgling were to replace you.”
Tiger Claw: [adrenaline rush] *forces signs of weakness to not show* “I am strong and ready.”
The Crimson Beak: “You will be sent on a mission to navigate a certain swamp on the island of Kitharl. Magnatron, you will take this duplicate septum and power it with your electric abilities. Plant it in the ground when you’ve found the Krikain.”
Tiger Claw & Magnatron: “As you desire!”

TCB
Chapter 2: Rebellion
Scene 4: Journey



ONE DAY AFTER THE BATTLE WITH TIGER CLAW AND MAGNATRON

Eon: “Whoa, how they hell did the signal jump from there to there?”
Edgeworth: “I’m guessing they have teleporting access.”
Hanyuu: “Now we’ll never catch them…”
Kites: “By the time we get there, they’ll already be gone.”
Eon: “If they’re on a mission we got to stop them or it will be more trouble for us no doubt.”
Hanyuu: “We could rent a boat, but like Kites said there would be no point.”
Edgeworth: “We could get teleporting access too; the only drawback is it costs a lot of money.” *smiles* “But…” *holds up three bags of gold* “I’ve been looking for a way to pay back the trouble I caused when I backstabbed you guys. This ought to clear my conscious some.”
Eon: “Awesome it seems everyone in this team has something to contribute and is pulling it together! Everyday it’s looking more and more like we just might be able to stop the Crimson Beak after all.”

LATER AT LOCAL TOWN

Civilian woman 1: (rumor gossip) “Did you hear about the events that took place at Axzile?”
Civilian woman 2: “No, what happened?”
Civilian1: “Rumor has it that someone stood up to the Crimson Beak’s policies.”
Civilian2: “Oh that’s horrible; I don’t want to hear how they were tortured.”
Civilian1: “No get this! When the execution squad was sent in to kill the leader and her followers, rumor has it that before she was killed she took their leader down with her.”
Civilian2: “Did someone really manage that?”
Civilian1: “It’s just a rumor, but apparently the two leader’s names were Ms. Elric and Hayabusapiro.”
Eon: *Overheard conversation* “Hayabusapiro was killed?”
Civilian1: “Is that really some leader within the Crimson Beak?”
Eon: “Yeah he was; that Elric girl must have been something to take him down with her.”
Hanyuu: (whispers to Eon) “Hayabusapiro is dead?”
Eon: “Apparently, and your not, so that’s one more for our side. I wish this Elric girl didn’t have to leave our world with him though.”
Hanyuu: “Could have been one more fighting for PSF.”
Edgeworth: “Ah here we are! Hey everyone take some money from the other bags and play along with whatever I do.”
Merchant Wizard: “Can I help you with something?”
Edgeworth: “We would like to purchase one of your traveling spells please.”
Merchant Wizard: “You’re only joking right?”
Edgeworth: *plops one bag of gold on the table*
Merchant wizard: “I guess not… though I don’t know if I can give you one for all of you both ways.
Edgeworth: “Look we’re really desperate if there’s anything we can do…”
Ruri: “Hey I know it’s not much, but maybe this little I have could help.” *hands over money*
Eon: “I thought we were going to try and save just a little so we would have something to eat.”
Ruri: “We’ll survive… you should give what little you have as well.”
Eon: *gives half of change remaining* [to make it seem like she was more poor]
Merchant Wizard: “Alright! Alright! Normally for a group of ten to twenty for a two way spell it would be about three times this much but I guess I’ll let you have this one for a discount. You better accomplish whatever it was you set out to do or I’ll chase you down and kill you myself after I went through this financial sacrifice.”
Edgeworth: “I guarantee you after what we had to go through with to get this money that failing isn’t an option.”
Merchant Wizard: “Where is it that you’re going?”
Ruri: *looks at tracking device* “The south eastern region of Kitharl if you please.”
Merchant Wizard: “Someplace that far I might not be able to get you anymore accurate than that.”
Ruri: “That’s understandable.”
Merchant Wizard: “Alright give me two useless things you don’t mind carrying around with you.”
Hanyuu: *looks around, shrugs, picks up two pebbles off the ground*
Merchant Wizard: “Are you sure you want these? You have to keep track of them.”
Hanyuu: *nods*
Merchant Wizard: *chants pebbles* [one glows green the other blue] “The blue one will get you there the green one will get you back. Anything in a 20 foot radius will be transported with it. To use it simply throw it on the ground and shout: “Blue travel or green return.”
Eon & Edgeworth: *nods* “Thankyou.”
Group: *leaves town*
Eon: “I can’t believe how you ripped him off!”
Edgeworth: “He was already going to try to rip us off double, but I know some market tricks. Look’s like we’ve kept over half the money.” *looks around* “Well is everyone ready?” [Gains nods] “Okay then…” *throws down blue pebble* “Blue travel!”

TCB
Chapter 3: Kitharl
Scene 1: The Other Zathire



Asian Man: “I do not believe I’ve seen any of you before.”
Eon: “The names Eon, we’re traveling in order to find someone.”
Asian Man: “And who might that be?”
Eon: “Two criminals, one who is very animal like and inclined to use brute strength, the other relying on powerful magic.”
Asian Man: “Two you say?” [Crunk is extremely physical and brutal, and Zack is extremely magic reliant] *becomes suspicious* (thoughts) If they are enemies Zack and Crunk will kill them now and with my help. I have nothing to loose by leading them to who they seek to fight. “I believe I know who you are speaking of and I happen to be a wizard perhaps I can take you there?”
Hanyuu: “That would be great!”
Asian Man: *teleports group*
Zathire (Elf): “Phuong what are you doing here? Who are they?”
Crunk: “Roannn…” *scratches head with hairy caveman arm*
Eon: “No, those aren’t who we were looking for…”
Phuong: “That’s a good thing, because I would have had to kill you if they were.”
Eon: “I have the feeling that the two we’re looking for were sent here to collect something by the dark lord.”
Zathire: (thoughts) Nithe, you must be trying to send your minions out to get the crystals! “What if I were to aid you in stopping these criminals?”
Kites: “The more the merrier!”
Zathire: “How do you plan on finding them?”
Ruri: “I believe this device will point the way.”
Phuong: “It seems they are located in the swamps.” *teleports group*
Eon: “Teleporting is the way to go!”
Zathire: *bow is drawn* “Are they your culprits?” *points to magnetron*
Eon: “That would be them.”
Zathire: “Wait there is a flock of Krikain coming.” *points to some storks with disproportionate beaks the size of swords* “They will likely take care of your friends. Best we stay out of the fight. They’re just like bees, when they sting you they die; their neck can’t take the impact.”
2 krikain: *Suicidal dive bomb at Tiger Claw.*
Tiger Claw: *rakes birds out of air, but takes a cut* “Hurry up before the rest come!”
Magnatron: *plants staff* *starts feeding electricity into it.* “The connection is complete.”
Flock of Krikain: [as the staff suddenly glows] *halt their attack* *go head toward PSF*
Hanyuu: “The beak must be trying to capture them for use in his army.”
Zathire: “Looks like the plan backfired…” *fires anti-magic charged arrow at Magnetron*
Magnatron: “Uahoh!” *looks at arrow in stomach* “What the?” *turns around* “The Black Witch! Take this bitch!” *tries to fire lightning [anti-magic prevents]* “Impossible!”
Eon: *takes out hidden dagger* *runs up to Magnatron and slices under chin* *watches him bleed to death.*
Tiger Claw: *slashes at Eon*
Kites: *bear paw intercepts blow and hits the assassin.* [Tiger Claw is in human form]
Tiger Claw: *dazed*
Eon: “I believe earlier I was in the process of eating you when I was interrupted…” *draws life force from body*
Tiger Claw: *dies*
Eon: *shakes head disapprovingly* “What a boring way to die…”
Edgeworth: *searches body*
Hanyuu: *frowns*
Edgeworth: “What? He might have money or something sellable.”
Zathire: “So you’re trying to stop the dark lord too are you? Perhaps we can help each other out.”
Eon: “Do you know where he is?”
Zathire: “Yeah, I’ve fought him once before, but this time the legendary sword I have isn’t a fake.”
Eon: “Who are you?”
Zathire: “Zathire, but…”
PSF Group: “ZATHIRE?”
Zathire: “Yeah what? Oh and this is Crunk.”
Hanyuu: “I think I’m going to be sick…”
Zathire: *notices faces are still stricken* “Do you know about me from somewhere or something? What’s with the surprise?”
Eon: “You just happen to share names with a certain someone else.”
Zathire: “Was he an ally or an enemy?”
Eon: “Hard to say, but you don’t need to worry about him anyway.” *puts arm over shoulder* “What’s this you said about knowing where the dark lord resides?”
Zathire: “Call me Zack; everyone who knows me does anyway. That ought to alleviate any of the confusion.” *sighs* “Are you sure you want to fight the dark lord?”
PSF Group: *everyone nods*
Zathire: “I doubt you’ll survive, and your weapons will be pretty much useless against him. However, his weaker general will likely lead an army of undead upon the cities, if I can count on you guys to take out the army that would be great.”
Eon: “TAKE OUT THE ARMY? UNDEAD! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?”
Phuong: “Perhaps they are unaware of what they’re doing.”
Zathire: “You can’t honestly think you stood a chance against Nithe if you can’t take out an army by yourself?”
Eon: “Nithe? Who the hell is that? We’re trying to deal with the Crimson Beak!”
Zathire: “He the demon overlord, he’s already killed Nawkamae, God of Life and Death.”
Eon: “And you’re going to fight him?”
Zathire: “Quite someone’s coming.”
Elf chick: *runs*
Zathire (old one): *battle tackle* “Gotch ya!” *notices PSF members* “Can’t say I expected that…”
Edgeworth: “Zathire…”
Zathire (elf): “Is that the other one?”
Kites: “Yep… Looks like he’s trying to rape an elf or something…”
Zathire (barbarian): “No cause I was going to ask for consent after…”
Eon: *puts hand to head in embarrassment* “That’s definitely him…”
Badass Rouge: *jumps from tree and takes elf from barbarian* “You, you’re going to tell me where I can find a cure for my disease.” *lifts hood revealing half of face is demonic* “Or I’m going to eat you.” *displays hand with worming tentacles (eager to dig into flesh)*
Elf chick: *screams*
Zathire (barbarian): “Don’t you dare lay a finger on her.” [dramatic stand off]
Ruri: “Would you like some popcorn?” *displays bag to Eon*
Zathire (elf): “Shift, what are you doing?”
Shift: “I’m just playing with your little friends.”
Eon: [in response to Ruri’s prompt] “I guess.” *takes seat and enjoys show with popcorn*
Edgeworth: “Zathire your battle sword… we still have it.” *carries sword over* “Damn this thing’s heavy.”
Zathire (barbarian): *takes sword*
Shift: *starts outrageous laugh* “You don’t actually plan to fight me do you?”
Zathire (barbarian): *does battle swoop*
Eon: (thoughts) Well that ended quick…
Shift: *doesn’t dodge or blink, just catches sword with hand*
Hanyuu: “Holy crap that thing took out a horse with just a conk from the handle, how did he block that?”
Shift: *smiles* (almost teleports) *socks Zathire in the face, fingers clench face, and lifts him up with the strength in one shoulder.* “Hey you wanted to save her right? *bends head angle so Zathire can see the elf* “Where’s your strength now?” *crushing pressure of grip begins mashing face*
Hanyuu: “Do something Eon, even I don’t want to see him suffer THAT badly.”
Elf: *nervously watches battle*
Shift: *knees Zathire in the chest slamming him against a tree* *second knee follows pushing him into the tree a bit.* “Well I’m surprised my demon eye can see he’s still alive… He must be holding on to something dear…”
Eon: (thoughts) Or it could be the effects of the Ganon milk…
Shift: *throws the killing punch*
Zathire (barbarian): *grabs fist* “I am. No human has the right to upset an elf!” *turns red, blood pressure and strength increases*
Eon & Ruri: *popcorn munching sounds*
Shift: “Your strength is commendable, far greater than any human I’ve encountered, well except him…”
Crunk: *caveman groans*

Shift: “But it is still nothing to me…” *easily overpowers and still socks him with the fist already caught* “Come on she’s watching you now; try to save at least a little face. No response? Hell I guess I could save a bit of your face for her.” *fingers dig under eyes and cheeks, starts pulling off flesh.*
Hanyuu: *turns away*
Eon: *fires dark arrow into Shift*
Shift: *Looks at wound* “You think that will stop me?”
Eon: *tries life drain* (doesn’t work) (thoughts) Shit, now I’ve just pissed him off.
Zathire (elf): *fires massive thunderbolt from bow*
Shift: *mostly dodges but gets indirectly hit* [several trees behind him are destroyed] “Well I guess we knew it would come down to you and me. Very well, I’ll leave for now, but if your not there, they’re fair game.”
Zathire (elf): If you’re not going after Nithe, then I guess we’ll be splitting ways from here.”
Eon: “Wait, can’t you come with us and use your powers to help us defeat the Crimson Beak?”
Zathire (elf): “My place is here in Kitharl, I have to defeat Nithe, good luck in your own mission.”
Eon: *farewell nod*
Zathire (elf), Crunk, & Phuong: *teleport away*
Eon: “HEY WAIT A MINUTE! THE CARAVAN GOT CAUGHT IN YOUR TELEPORT!” *sighs* “Now what will we do? Our stuff and the return pebble were on board that caravan.” (thoughts) Oh well I’m sure they’ll notice it. I mean who would just start walking somewhere and not check what was behind them? *time goes by* [fail]
Kitez: “Are you going to heal him Auntie or are you still too mad?”
Zathire (fat): *electric bands discharge over body*
Elf: “He followed me here. I didn’t know what to make of him, but after he tried to defend me, I hope he’ll be alright.”
Edgeworth: “Here take one of these, he loves them, it will help him get better.” *hands Ganon Milk*
Elf: *shudders* “Ganondorf! We elves hate everything to do with him.” *holds vile milk carton away from her face and pours into Zathire’s mouth*
Eon: “Since when did you keep one of those on you?”
Edgeworth: *embarrassed laugh* “I’ve been secretly sipping on one ever since I’ve seen what it does to bones. A merchant has to be able to survive after all.”
Eon: “Do you want to heal him?”
Hanyuu: “Not after all those lies, he said about loving me just to laugh at us when we fell for his ruse, and then he ditched.”
Elf: “He did? He said the same thing to me right after he massacred a bunch of people!”
Hanyuu: “That’s when he told me that!”
Elf: “Oh I get it, I thought it was weird he could hear me speaking… I remember now you guys were there too. He was talking to me; you must have got him mixed up with talking to you.”
Eon: “Are you sure? The things he said seemed to fall into place with recent events our group had.”
Elf: “‘You’re the type of girl I’ve always been looking for,’ something like that?”
Kites: “Looks like the elf was right! I knew he couldn’t be smart enough to mess with our heads like that.”
Eon: “Well that makes a lot more sense.”
Hanyuu: “I guess I can forgive him, it looks like once again all the trouble he causes was without knowing.” *heals eyeballs and reattaches face* “Any of you tell him I felt a little sorry for him and I’ll kill you.”
Kitez: “I thought you liked gore?”
Hanyuu: “Not when it’s all messy like that! Cleavers are so much cleaner and neat. The mashing…” *shudders*
Ruri: “Selective gore… that’s something…”
Eon: “Well I guess we’ll be going, we have a caravan to track down. We’ll leave him to you.”
Elf: “Okay.”
Zathire: *wakes up* “Oh what a headache!” *sees elf* “Please tell me you raped me.”

TCB
Chapter 3: Kitharl
Scene 2: Out of Place



Eon: “So does anyone know where we are going?”
Hanyuu: “Never heard of the place.”
Ruri: *shrugs*
Eon: “Even you? Come on you at least have a map don’t you? They said this place Kitharl was an island. It can’t be that big then.”
Ruri: *takes out map of Kitharl* “Hmm according to this you’re wrong.” *points at scale of inches to miles* “It’s about as large as an island can be without being declared a continent.”
Eon: “Great…”
Hanyuu: *sigh* “At least we stopped Magnatron.”
Kitez: “Technically the only reason you were rushing was to stop them and keep Zathire. So now we have no reason to rush.”
Eon: “You’re right… At least some of what you say is true. We’ve killed Tiger Claw and Magnatron, though we failed to stop their plan. And Mr. Impatient is gone so there’s not much reason to hurry. Especially considering we only get one shot. Once we screw up we’re dead.” *deep sigh (of inner strength and reason)* “Still it pains me every second that that bird is allowed to torture any more people.”
Edgeworth: “According to the elf Zathire, this place has some other dark lord who seems worse than the Crimson Beak. I think we should get out of here as soon as possible.”
Hanyuu: “That doesn’t make it any easier…”
Edgeworth: “I’m just saying…” *new distracting thought* “Hey kites, why don’t you turn into some animal that can help us figure this out.
New person: *just appears* [likely right out of the forest] “I can help you out.”
All but Ruri: “Huh? Who are you?”
New person: *ignores question* “But it’s gonna cost you.”
Eon: “Name your price.”
Edgeworth: *puckers lips [thinking about money]*
New person: *looks at Hanyuu* “Oh I’m not talking about money, baby.” *lusty smile* “I’m talking about some time with you sexy” *wink*
Eon: *turns to Hanyuu, raises eyebrow*
Hanyuu: “Uh hell no!”
Eon: “What do you call yourself?”
New person: “Myth.”
Eon: “What would your price be in gold?”
Myth: “However much it would take to buy your friend.”
Hanyuu: “Forget it, leave, and don’t come back.”
Myth: “Alright just a kiss then?”
Hanyuu: *no debate stare*
Myth: “Alright just the right to tag along and stare at you all day?”
Hanyuu: *gives the ‘you better not agree’ stare to Eon*
Eon: (to Myth) “Fine…” (to Hanyuu) *hopeless sigh* “I have no choice; he’s the only one who knows a way to get out of here.”
Hanyuu: *gives the ‘I’ll remember this’ face*
Kitez: “Why do you wear a cape?”
Myth: “Because I’m Myth.”
Ruri: “Is that a secret?”
Myth: “Whoa what’s with the red grim reaper here? What’s under that hood?”
Ruri: “That’s a secret.”
Myth: “What a creepy guy!”
Eon: “You’re the one who wanted to sleep with one of our members the second you found us.”
Myth: “So? We’re all human right?”
Eon: “Just a reminder.”
Edgeworth: “If you said you can help, then shouldn’t you be pointing in a direction?”
Myth: “If you want help finding somewhere then shouldn’t you give me a destination?”
Edgeworth: “We just want out.”
Myth: “Out of where? Out of this forest? Out of the wilderness?”
Edgeworth: “Off this Island.”
Myth: “Then you probably want to head as far away from the ocean as possible, because that’s the closest way to it.”
Eon: “Great we have an idiot for a guide.”
Myth: “More of a genius actually. This island has a secret in its center, a place called magic bay. It’s a completely landlocked lake, but there’s a ring of stone that portals ships to miles out at sea. It can likely get you close to where you want, the only problem is, it’s dominated by pirates so you’ll have to learn to blend in or you’ll stand out like a tuna in a sea of sharks.” *pause* “Oh and there’s one thing I still didn’t tell you.” [everyone listens] *kneels desperately before Hanyuu* “Come on just please have sex with me!”
Kites: “There’s going to be babies all over the place. The Crimson Beak won’t know what to do with all the little rebels.”
Hanyuu: “Not in a million years.”

A DAY GOES BY AND HANYUU IS PISSED

Kitez: “You know Myth at a certain point you should just shut up.”
Ruri: “I must admit that my patients have worn a little thin myself.”
Kitez: “Don’t worry Auntie I got your back!” *turns into squirrel and jumps on her shoulder* *sneers at Myth*
Myth: “We’re almost there so cut me some slack.”
White haired girl: *Runs at Hanyuu (super fast)*
Hanyuu: *draws cleaver*
White haired girl: *(Is too fast) leaps and grabs Kitez and stuffs squirrel in mouth*
Kites: *squeels (which turns into yell as he turns into human)*
White haired girl: *is shocked* *jumps away from Kitez* *looks at others then to Kitez with confusion* *points to mouth*
Hanyuu: “Who the hell are you?”
Eon: “That’s what I was gonna say!”
Edgeworth: “Me too.”
Ruri: “Is it a secret?”
White haired girl: *confused look*
Ruri: “Perhaps she doesn’t speak our language.”
Eon: “Well make with the useful device.”
Ruri: *Pulls out red futuristic book like device.* “Hmm according to this she is a yuki.”
Kites: “What’s that mommy?”
Ruri: “An endangered species of desert dweller, that by all means we shouldn’t have found here.”
Eon: “Where should we have found her?”
Ruri: “In the Kelhedran Desert across the sea.”
Myth: “She doesn’t look half bad, maybe I won’t have to die lonely after all…”
Others: *doubting look*
Ruri: “Eon I believe you were in the process of collecting weird freaks and developing an arsenal?”
Eon: *Looks at followers* “Yeah…”
Ruri: “Then I believe this Yuki will add nicely to the chaos and randomness of the group.”
Eon: “Why is that?”
Ruri: “Apparently they hunt animals and bite them and then regurgitate and spit digestive and sedative enzymes into the wound. Humans around where they live refer to them as acid-spitters and kill them on site.”
Eon: “That sucks.”
Ruri: “Hold on to this and use it if you need to.” *Hands over red book-like device*
Hanyuu: “What is it?”
Ruri: “A pokedex, and half the equipment.” *takes out ball half red half white* “If you wish to collect the Yuki I think this will do. Thrown at a target it will capture and enslave it, the victim will then be conveniently stored in the capsule for times of use.”
Edgeworth: “This I have to see.”
Hanyuu: “She’s already following us, so I think I’ll save it for later.”
Kites: “I don’t think we should let her keep following us!”
Eon: “Doesn’t bother me, I don’t mind if she eats ya.”
Kites: “That’s not fair! I have to be a weak animal to recharge my power.”
Eon: *shrugs*
Kitez: “Auntie, please! Please throw the ball!”
Hanyuu: “I’m not wasting it!”
Myth: “You can capture me any time you want!” *wink*
Edgeworth: “You should save it. This way equals plus one chick minus one annoying squirrel. I can’t see what anyone has to complain about.”
Hanyuu: “Now if we could only get rid of one annoying pervert.”
Eon: “You can always capture him and then discard the ball.” *suggestive shrug*
Edgeworth: “Well we still need him for now, and at least he doesn’t seem to think you’re ugly.”
Myth: “Hey your group could use a fine swordsmen like myself.”
Pokedex: “Eon: Race: human, weight: 130 pounds, height: six foot one, class: Assassin. Eon has a mastery of dark killing and life-draining magic as well as a comprehension with the bow. The nature of Eon is tomboyish.”
Eon: “Hey what are you doing with that?”
Hanyuu: *points pokedex at Ruri*
Pokedex: “That is a secret.”
Hanyuu: “Hey what gives?” *shakes the pokedex*
Myth: “Hey I was…”
Eon: “Let me see that!”
Hanyuu: “I was using it first!”
Eon: *zaps Hanyuu’s hand*
Hanyuu: “Owe!”
Eon: “HAA!” *snatches pokedex* “Now it’s your turn to be analyzed!”
Pokedex: “Hanyuu: Race: human, weight: 100 pounds, height: four foot eight, class: Healer. Hanyuu is not very knowledgeable in healing and barely passed qualifications, but is a master in duel wielding cleavers. The nature of Hanyuu is to find faults in others.”
Hanyuu: “I don’t try to find faults in others!”
Eon: “Four foot eight! HAA!”
Hanyuu: “Shut up tree legs!”
Eon: “Now I wish the fatass were here!”
Hanyuu: “Imagine all the shit it would dish!”
Eon: “Try it on the pervert.”
Pokedex: “Myth: Race: human, weight 150lb, height: five foot seven, class: Scout. Myth is a reliable scout who can fence admirably with the sword and aim well with the crossbow. The nature of Myth, while a tad arrogant, is to please others and have a good time.”
Hanyuu: “WHAT?!?” *shakes device* “What type of bull-crap is that?”
Myth: “I think it only speaks the truth.” *proud smile hands on hips* “So now that you know the quality of my nature…”
Hanyuu: “No.”
Edgeworth: *stands on hill and points to something below.* “That looks like a lake, and archway and a boat going through it magically to me.”
Kites: “Yay! We’re there!”
Yuki: *jumps out and captures a bunny* *rips it to shreds and FEASTS!*
Myth: “Hot!”
Hanyuu: “That’s so disgusting!”
Myth: “I was being sarcastic.”
Eon: “Looks like Yuki beats bunny on the food chain.”
Edgeworth: “Well looks like we all have something to celebrate.”
Kitez: “Look mommy, look what she did! She could’ve done that to me! You won’t let her do that to me, right mommy?”
Ruri: [to Kites] *pat* *pat*

TCB
Chapter 3: Kitharl
Scene 4: The Rock Arch



Myth: “Oh crap!”
Eon: “What?”
Myth: “Marsh.”
Eon: “I don’t see a marsh… and anyways what could…”
Myth: “No Marsh, the pirate. That’s his ship.”
Edgeworth: “These girls are freaks, all three from what I’ve seen. We can handle it.”
Myth: “If you truly are maybe. But you’d be much better off if your wallet was full.”
Eon: “Either way we’re getting on that ship.”
Myth: “There is one other way, it’s the most practical.”
Eon: “What?”
Myth: “Trust me there’s no point.”
Eon: “What?”
Myth: “I’ve already gathered enough information to know this won’t work.”
Eon: “Look, if you have a plan say it, otherwise keep your mouth shut.”
Myth: “All you girls would have to pretend to be my whores.”
Hanyuu: “Nuh-uh! You were just waiting for this weren’t you?”
Myth: “You’ve got to believe me I’m not lying.”
Hanyuu: “Forget it.”
Myth: “Look that’s just the way it works with pirates.”
Eon: “I’m fairly positive I believe you on this one, but if Hanyuu won’t go along with it then I won’t do something that would make her leave.”
Edgeworth: “Which means it’s time to spend more money I take it?”
Myth: “With pirates you don’t reveal your cards until the deal is done.”
Edgeworth: “I’ve sold things to the likes before I know how they real and deal.”
Myth: “Good then don’t make any mistakes.”

AT THE BOARDING SITE

Pirate: “Oye there Myth. Such a lovely set of lassies ye got there. Any being for sale?”
Myth: “Not unless you wish to fight Marsh for the right to sell me a ride.”
Pirate: “Nar be it ta that me boy.”
Eon: *sees a ridiculous man* [muffled whisper] “Holy crap…”
Pokedex: “Marsh: Race: human, weight: 220 pounds, height: six foot one, class: pirate. Marsh is a bounty hunter addicted to pain. Stabbing him will only excite him. He keeps track of his kills by the 14 right shin bones in his hair, the 35 hooks in his body, the three rings in his back, and the harpoon barb in his shin. Marsh’s nature is either gentlemanly or psychotic.”
Marsh: “Yer look’n like ye’ve never seen me before?”
Eon: “I’m thinking I could hang an entire dressing cabinet of clothes on you.”
Marsh: “I wouldn’t mind scratching off a few yer layers with them. A fresh pair of melons onboard always has the crew a bit more lively.”
Eon: “I can’t say I be sporting them so freely but one can never say what would happen, if you were to sail me over through that arch to the land of PSF.”
Marsh: “Unless you make it worth me while I’d not be sailing that way. I’ve got people to kill, money to collect. Tits are nice but unless your using them to make my coin chest runnith over I be seeing not the point.”
Eon: “How much are we talking?”
Marsh: “I’ve got a deal for a thousand, but your trip would just be a two day delay, so I I’d charge you for what I’d expect to make in that time.” *pause* “Yar… I kill for pretty cheap maybe 5 to 50 coins a throat, plus traveling expenses will be higher in this case… Yar… perhaps 300… 30 if you keep the crew entertained.”
Eon: “300?” *eyes shift to the side* “Hmm… how about a challenge then… First blood on you and we sail for free.”
Marsh: “Oh Miss Lassy I could kiss you for your tenacity.” *takes hand and steals kiss* “But I’d be selling what’s left of you should you lose.”
Hanyuu: “I’ll take the challenge. All of us go or all of us are sold.”
Myth: “Hey wait a minute…”
Edgeworth: “Have faith in her, she’s a good fighter, I’ve never seen a sword slip past her cleavers.”
Myth: “You’ve also never seen Marsh…”
Eon: “Thankyou Hanyuu, I was going to cheat, but you are probably better suited for close combat.”
Marsh: “Well I’m ready when you are.”
Hanyuu: *chop*
Marsh: *grab*
Hanyuu: *raises eyebrow* “Well it looks like I won.”
Marsh: “Oh, but me hand seems dry to me…”
Eon: “So leathery…”
Hanyuu: *uses second cleaver*
Marsh: *catches cleaver with the hooks on his shoulder* *barges forward*
Hanyuu: *jumps back nearly missing the hooks*
Marsh: “Can’t say this is me cup of tea…”
Hanyuu: [while parrying sword and hacking with uncaught cleaver] “Why is that?”
Marsh: *grabs other cleaver* *suddenly drops sword and grabs both her wrists and squeezes until she drops cleavers.* “Look at all the work I have to go through.” *pulls her hands wider drawing her chest closer to the hooks on his.*
Myth: “I don’t want to be a slave like her; I wanted to be one to her.”
Marsh: “Normally I wait ‘till they stab me and then stab them, it’s always harder to block when your sword is stuck in someone.”
Eon: [muffled] “Crap…” *slyly starts drawing more life force from Marsh.*
Marsh: *hooks press against her tunic but don’t snare just yet.*
Hanyuu: *Slowly pulls her hands closer together.*
Marsh: “Huh?”
Hanyuu: *breaks free and grabs Marsh's sword*
Marsh: *barely reacts, blinks, and refocuses to find his sword in his gut* “I could’ve sworn that I’ve been sober…”
Edgeworth: [whisper] “Nice save Eon.”
Hanyuu: (thoughts) I won but it looks like I might have done more than draw first blood. So we’re all safe, but I doubt his crew will be honored to hear we killed…
Marsh: “I suppose I was never too fancy a fencer… All right, looks like I’m taking ye all to PSF.”
Hanyuu: “You’re not even fazed?”
Eon: “Aren’t you going to take the sword out of your stomach?”
Marsh: “Nar...”

TCB
Chapter 3: Kitharl
Scene 5: Pervert vs. Fatass



Pokedex: “Shujime: Race Yuki: Weight 86 pounds: height: four foot nine:”
Hanyuu: (thoughts) one inch…
Pokedex: “Class: hunter. One good bite from a yuki will cause exhaustion and weakness to the point where small animals can be eaten alive. Shujime lives on survival instincts and has no comprehension of the negatives in gluttony or rough sex.”
Eon: “Wow…”
Hanyuu: “I know the last part…”
Eon: “No… one inch… HA HAHAHA. You’re the shortest one chibi!”
Hanyuu: “Shut up BITCH!”
Myth: “Rough sex? Hey Hanyuu have any plans?”
Edgeworth: “I’m staying out of it.”
Eon & Hanyuu: *catfight* “[reow]”

Marsh: Well your six days of vacation be over and yer friend there has eaten the last of me rats it seems.”
Shujime: *gulp*
Myth: (whispers to himself) “Okay now that was just nasty.”
Edgeworth: (responds to Myth) “I don’t think she even chewed it.”
Marsh: “So unless you be wanting any real challenges to the death instead of your little practice matches or whatever ye best be off my ship.”
Everyone: *promptly refuses insists no to the challenge*
Marsh: “Then get moving land lovers.”
Eon: *grunt* (yes sir)

AFTER THE SHIP SET SAIL AND DEPARTS

Myth: “You’re not too bad at this pirate thing.”
Eon: “Well we’re back at PSF for what its worth these days…” *enormous pause*

Shujime: *sniff sniff*
Kitez: “I don’t like her!”
Edgeworth: “Quit your complaining.”
Eon: “Someone holds a grudge…”
Kitez: “SHE TRIED TO EAT ME!” *pause* “Doesn’t anyone understand?”
Myth: “Looks like you’re staying in human form.”
Shujime: *runs off*
Hanyuu: “Crap she’s fast…”
Kitez: “That poor mouse… She gobbled it alive. It must have suffered in the end. Can you imagine? No one deserves that.”
Hanyuu: “Alright! It’s just a mouse.”
Kitez: “You wouldn’t let her hurt me would you mommy. You’d kill her if she tried to eat me right? Yes my mommy is always there to save me.” *turns into squirrel*
Ruri: *pat* *pat*
Eon: *draws bow*
Hanyuu: “What is it?”
Eon: “Wolves.”
Hanyuu: “What’s that Yuki doing?”
Edgeworth: “Maybe she’s trying to defend us.”
Squirel (Kitez): *crosses arms in pout* “Hmph”

Power Mut (wolf): *Bites Yuki*
Yuki: *bites wolf*
Other wolves: Gang up [Shujime is torn up and dragged down]
Shujime: *escapes (bloody)* *hop* *hop* *hop* [evasive]
Bit wolf: *starts yelping*
Eon: *fires dark arrow*
Wolves: *scatter*
Bit wolf: *gets up and struggles to move trembling*
Yuki: *BITE CHOMP CHOMP* (playful innocent smile) *offers meat to the others*
Eon: “Hanyuu I think you should heal her.”
Hanyuu: “Very well…” *starts healing*
Shujime: *is startled, jumps back on all fours from green healing light* *is terrified*
Hanyuu: (calming tones) “There, there its okay. It’s ok.” *starts healing again*
Yuki girl: *Is amazed* *has fat smile of wonderment*
Hanyuu: “Well it looks like she certainly appreciated it.”

Eon: “Well I guess now is a good time for us to have lunch. So what do we have?”
Ruri: “It looks like you have raw wolf with Yuki digestive enzymes running through it and Edgeworth’s half drank Ganon Milk.”
Hanyuu: “If it’s a choice I’ll take the wolf.”
Myth: “I might be able to hunt something?”
Hanyuu: “I’ll take the wolf.”
Eon: “Wait up. You’ve never failed to pull what we need out of those pockets. Why don’t you find us something.”
Ruri: “Well I do have these two pies and a cake.”
Everyone else: *anger stares*
Hanyuu: “I’ll take the pie.”
Eon: “Fatass!”
Hanyuu: “You’re going to be eating it too.”
Eon: *smile* “I know.”

ONE FEAST LATER

Eon: “So good!” *yawn, plop down on back*
Hanyuu: *taps Eon’s shoulder* *points*
Eon: “Holy crap! She’s taken out the whole rib cage!”
Hanyuu: “Is she in pain.”
Myth: “I think she’s trying to stuff herself. I could show her where she really needs stuffing.”
Edgeworth: *rolls eyes*
Kitez: “I don’t think you would stimulate any of her animal desires.”
Hanyuu: *snort of laughter*
Myth: *dirty look (dirty meaning grudge type [not sexual for once]) to Hanyuu*

Eon: “Well we better stop her before she kills herself.”
Kitez: “I think she can handle it, she’s from the wild after all.” *takes up a wolf leg* “Here take this, no need to chew, swallow the bones.”
Yuki: *continues eating corps*
Team: *pulls Shujime (much to her dismay) away from wolf*
(while they’re walking)
Kitez: “Here I kept this bone for you!” [Yuki snatches wolf leg] (whispers) “Please choke.”
Edgeworth: “So I’ve been wondering Eon: Ever since we got dumped on land, where have we been going?”
Eon: *shrugs* “Inland?”
Edgeworth: “I see.”

Guard: “Good morning citizen!”
Eon: “Uh… Hi?”
Beak troops: *go patrolling on by*
Hanyuu: *raises cleaver*
Eon: *blocks view and pushes her hand back down*
Some troop: *notices suspicious movement* “Is there something you need help with ma’am?”
Eon: “Uh… uh…”
Edgeworth: “Can you point us travelers to the nearest city?”
Random troop: “Sure thing.” *points* “It’ll be just out of site around that hill there.”
Edgeworth: “Thankyou”
Eon: *gracious bow*
Guards: *leave*
Eon: “I guess they didn’t recognize us.”
Hanyuu: “I’m going to see what they’re up to.” *leaves*
Myth: “I’ll go with you.” *follows*
Hanyuu and Myth: *spying*

Guard1: “There she is get her!”
Guard2: “A rare thing indeed, you know how the ‘Big Bird’ loves collecting. He’ll reward us good for her.”
Guard3: “An elf? I don’t think the bird has one of those, we’ll be made generals!”

Eon: *appears in bush* (whispers) “You shouldn’t go off on your own.”
Myth: *proud look*
Eon: *gasp* “That’s the one Zathire was chasing…”
Myth: “Zathire? Who’s that?”
Edgeworth: *joins up* “Another swordsmen.”
Myth: “Alas every group has to loose a member to the icy grip of…”
Eon: “He didn’t die.”
Myth: “Oh…”
Eon: “He just left because he was an ass.”

Elf: *waits in tree* “You better stop following me. That or give up your rations.”
Guard4: “I don’t get it why’s the elf not trying to escape for?”
Guard5: “Fire an arrow. That’ll get her down from there.”
Guard4: “No!” *brushes crossbow down* “Our majesty will not accept an incomplete collection piece.”
Elf: “When my Chunky gets here he’s going to be very angry.”
Guard2: “All you guys are being idiots and acting like soldiers when you don’t have to.” *turns to elf* “Look just come down, we’re offering you a place to stay with practically any accommodation you could dream of. Our boss always keeps his collectables in prime condition.”
Elf: “Humph!”
Fat guard: *starts swinging heavy flail* “Maybe this will shake her down.”

Myth: “So this Zathire, swordsmen, went after her? Nice taste…” *licks lips*
Edgeworth: “Maybe we should help her.”
Eon: “Just wait; if he’s still there we’ll probably not want to get in the way.”
Myth: “You realize there are a dozen guards… A DOZEN.”
Familiar anger voice: “Hey! What the hell do you guys think your doing?”
Elf: *jumps down and skips off spiked ball* “Chunky!”
Hanyuu: “Chunky?” * ‘Can’t you think of something better than that?’ face*
Zathire: “Buttermuffin!”
Eon: *face about to explode with laughter* (almost chokes)

Guard1: “It’s him, I’ve heard legends. He can smash right through castle walls…Retreat!”

Guard5: *Fires crossbow*
Zathire: *cracks it out of chest like toothpick*

Hanyuu: *comes out of hiding*
Guard2: “Cleric, stand back we’ll handle this.”
Hanyuu: “Oh no it’s him; I can’t beat him, Myth if you really love me then prove it to me by showing me, defeat this monster.” *fake swoon* “I’ll do anything.” *wink*
Myth: *gasps* “Anything?” *eyes turn to Zathire* “Look I don’t know who you are or what you’ve done to this fine lady, but I’m going to make you pay.”
Zathire: *unimpressed blink*
Eon: (whispers to Edgeworth) “Isn’t she going too far? I mean we don’t need to kill him.”
Myth: *fancy swashbuckling* “Let’s see you get through this!”
Zathire: *casual broadsided swat*
Myth: *is thrown and slams into tree*
Zathire: “Wait since when did you have a boyfriend? I can’t see what he sees in you, but he sure is an idiot.”
Myth: (Semi conscious) “How dare you speak of her! Her lustrous hair, creamy smooth bodacious thighs, ample curving breasts…”
Zathire: “HA! What a run of the mill pervert… This guy ain’t so bad.”
Hanyuu: *tolerance of Myth reaches limit* “He said he liked the look of your elf.”
Myth: “Hanyuu… I… What are you trying to..?”
Zathire: “What?!” *BONESLAYS Myth*
Myth *is broken vertically in two*
Zathire: “So what else did I miss?”
Kitez: *jumps out of hiding* “The white haired girl-” *points* “was jealous of your elf, she was the one who mind controlled the guards to help Myth capture her.”
Zathire: *raises sword*
Eon: *bursts out of hiding* “No, no, no!”
Gaurd4: “Civilians stand back
Guard3: “Hey wait a minute she’s not a civilian, that’s that wanted criminal the Black Witch!”
Zathire: “Hey!—the next person that speaks without my permission, I’m CRACKING their skull.”
Everyone: *dead silence*
Zathire: “Eon you’re going to explain everything.”
Eon: “Alright, these guards were after your elf, because the Crimson Beak likes collectables, or so I heard. Myth, the guy you killed annoyed Hanyuu so much that she tried to get you guys into a fight, knowing you’d win. And last the white haired girl is some weird freak that eats animals and almost ate Kitez, so Kitez caught on to Hanyuu’s idea of having you destroy certain enemies and wanted you to get angry and kill her and now we’re here.”
Zathire: “Is she lying Buttermuffin?”
Elf: “I don’t think so.”
Eon: “Wait up!” *looks at Zathire* “I think there’s something we were all wondering. We found you in Kitharl then back here. How the hell did you get from one place to another so fast?”
Zathire: “Oh I just used the teleportation circles in the elf cities, traveling between all of them.”
Eon: “You mean all this time there were teleportation devices to where we wanted to go?”
Zathire: “Yeah I was just at the Kitharl one a couple minutes ago why?”
Eon: *sigh of stress and failure* “Never mind…”
Elf: “I’ve heard of a certain general you might be interested in. There’s lots of money involved and he’s close to the Crimson Beak. I’ll be back my Chunky after I finish collecting the berries.”

AFTER ELF LEAVES
Zathire: “Okay once is creepy, but twice is destiny. I keep running into you guys.” *sudden tone change* “Please take me with you! You have no idea how horrible it is. The elves, they’ve banned Ganon Milk or anything to do with the hero, and they invented these things… called salads. There not made out of meat!”
Eon: *raises eyebrow*
Zathire: “You’ve got to help me; I’ll earn you the bounty for the one general, anything.”
Hanyuu: “He cracked Myth; I think a ray of hope just shined on PSF.”
Zathire: “Please save me from the Elf; I love her but I think my arms will shrivel up if I eat another one of those salad things.”
Edgeworth: “You should do it, but I’ve got to bury Myth. It’s my morals and all. When I’m done then I’ll join up with you. Though I may have some other matters that I need to attend.”
Eon: “Very well. You can take the Yuki with you; she can probably help you dig the hole.”
Ruri: “You’re leaving?” *pause* “Hmm, it may be difficult but take this book with you, I’m sure you can handle it.”
Edgeworth: “Thankyou.”
Eon: “I hate to admit it Zathire, but I’m glad you’re back.”
Hanyuu: “Zathire don’t move. I have a magic travel device for the lazy so that they won’t have to walk.” *throws pokeball* [a wild Zathire is caught]
Eon: “You caught Zathire?”
Hanyuu: “Eh, he’s really good for us but he gets out of control. I figured this would solve both problems. Plus they said it turns those captured into slaves.”
Eon: “Good idea but you better set him free before the elf finds out.”
Kitez: “Mommy, mommy what’s in the book?”
Ruri: “That’s a secret.”

TCB
Chapter 4: The Beak’s Elite
Scene 1: Berserk Parody



Mercenary Leader: “Defeat the general and earn whatever bounty you desire.”
Zathire: “Did I hear what I thought I heard?”
Mercenary Leader: Nods.

Mercenary 1: “Is that Bazuso the II?”
Mercenary 2: “Yeah, I hear he’s known as the 30 man slayer.”
Mercenary 3: “Yeah, also known as the bear-slaughterer.”
Mercenary 1: “Hey who’s that?”
Mercenary 4: “Does that fatass actually think he weighs more than Bazuso?”

Zathire: *Walks towards Bazuso the II.*
Bazuso the II: “Do you actually plan to fight me?” *pause* “I can see you have some balls but your going to regret it when I chop your head off with my axe!”

Bazuso the II: “HAH!” *Battle-swipe!*
Zathire: *Crack & Break*

Mercenary 2: “We’ll that was quicker than I thought.”
Mercenary Leader: “Here’s the reward… Perhaps I can interest you in a spot of my army?”
Zathire: *counts money* *bites coin to verify its gold*
Mercenary Leader: “I could secure your income and position as well…”
Zathire: *leaves*
Mercenary Leader: “Wait…” *grabs shoulder*
Zathire: “DON’T TOUCH ME! DON’T YOU EVER TOUCH ME!” (thoughts) His face… priceless… I’m such an ass…

Eon: “So you got the money?”
Zathire: “Yeah…”
Hanyuu: “One less fatass on the face of this earth…”
Ruri: “Not surprising considering the biggest monkey always wins…”
Zathire: *angry face* “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

New voice: “Stop! I’m afraid I can let you go no further.”
PSF members: *turn around*
Zathire: “Hey who’s the chick with the white hair?”
Hanyuu: “That’s not a chick, its one of the Beak’s high officers.”
Zathire: *points* [face is doubtful] “That’s a guy?”
Ruri & Zathire: *fall to the ground laughing*
Zathire: “He’s hotter than half the girls around us!”
Ruri: “That’s just what I was thinking!”
Female PSF: *raise shoulders in anger*
Kites: “Calm down girls I’m sure they were just joking…”
Ruri & Zathire: *laugh even louder*
Ruri: “That was the cherry on top…”

‘White haired chick’: “I’m Griffith, and it displeases me to hear you speak of me as a ‘chick’.”
Griffith: “This is between me and the heavy swordsman.”
Zathire: “If it’s about a date, I don’t go out with hermaphrodites…”

Griffith: “I happen to have a chicken…” *displays*
Hanyuu: *rolls eyes* “Thus ends this discussion…”
Zathire: *brain turns off* “Time to CRACK some BONES!”

Griffith: *quick triple stab*
Zathire: *passes out*

Hanyuu: “Holy shit!”
Ruri: “He’s fast…”
Eon: “If I fire an arrow…”
Hanyuu: “Don’t look at me I’m not saving him…”
Kites: “Some healer…”
Hanyuu: “Shut up and you go fight him then…”
Ruri: “So we’re all agreed?” *pause* “Alright let’s ditch him then…”


Zathire: *Gets up*
Griffith: “You’ve got a lot of determination, but your blood seems to be running out.” *decisive swipe drawing more blood*
Zathire: *passes out*

LATER

Elf: *Find’s Zathire after looking for a while* (Says to herself) “No! I thought you said you loved me…” *sees a naked woman over him*

Zathire: (has a blurry vision) “Black…” *enormous pause* “…skin” *wakes up bandaged in a tent* *walks out and sees familiar face. (thoughts) Black skin…
Black girl: *slap*
Griffith: *approaches* *innocent laugh* “You’ll have to forgive her… That’s Causca.” (whispers) “She’s a bitch…”
Zathire: (thoughts) I gathered that…
Griffith: “She’s just angry because I had her stay with you the whole time you were passed out. You’d lost a lot of blood. I told her it’s a woman’s duty to keep a man warm.”
Zathire: “You’ve got to be kidding me…”
Griffith: “So how do you like it, my camp? I could see the animosity in your current group and was hoping you might wish to be a part of mine?”
Zathire: “Join you?”
Griffith: *detects the resentment* “Is something troubling you?”
Zathire: “And what would you do if I said no?”
Griffith: “You don’t want to join?”
Zathire: “No! Of course not! I refuse!”
Griffith: “Then what do you want?”
Zathire: “Well that’s simple…” *draws sword*
Griffith: “Chicken?” *displays platter*
Zathire: “Now that you mention it… Hey wait a minute, stop messing with my train of thought.”
Griffith: “Very well then but if I win, you must agree to join me.”
Zathire: “You can have whatever you want! Cause it’s not happening!” *starts battle with overhead swoop*
Griffith & Zathire: *attack and parry*
Zathire: (thoughts) Physics obviously don’t apply; how’s this fragile man deflecting the momentum of my blows? *Massive overly predictable slow unstoppable over chop*
Griffith: *lands on sword* “You fought well but it seems this quarrel has come to an end.”
Zathire: “Ha! You talk so big, but in battle there’s only ONE way you should be using your MOUTH!” *lets go of sword and grabs platter of chicken* *fat sounds*
Griffith: “Big mistake!” *swipe*
Zathire: *catches blade in hands* *muscles and veins start protruding* “Don’t underestimate the power of chicken!” *throws sword out of bounds*
Griffith: *Runs up and grabs shoulder* “Alright we’ve had our fun, but this is it, if you still refuse I’m going to have to dislocate your shoulder.”
Zathire: “Go for it. Did it look like I tried to stop you…”
Griffith: “What the… it won’t break…” (thoughts) Oh well good thing I put rhino tranquilizer in the chicken…
Zathire: *falls asleep*

LATER

Eon: *Find’s Zathire asleep*
Zathire: *wakes up*
Griffith: *approaches*
Eon: *hides*
Zathire: (First thing he see’s is Griffith’s face)
Griffith: (Holding Zathire’s face delicately) “Now you belong to me.”
Zathire: *horrified face* *actually starts crying*
Eon: *bursts with laughter, tries to hold back the noise*
Griffith: *a little bit embarrassed* “It can’t be that bad can it?”
Zathire: *throws up*
Griffith: “My face! Stomach acid and chicken… It burns!”
Eon: *comes out of hiding* *grabs Zathire* “Come on this way!”

TCB
Chapter 4: The Beak’s Elite
Scene 2: The Old Prophet



Zathire: “Where are we going?”
Eon: “Shush, I have a plan.”

Griffith: *recovers vision* “After them!”
Guards: “Attack!—Uh… AMBUSH!”
Hanyuu: *chop* *chop* *chop*

Griffith: “I’ll finish you!”
Ruri: [right behind Griffith] (whispers) “It would help if you took the arrow out of your face.”
Griffith: “Arrow?—What ugh…” (arrow to eye) *dies*
Elf: *Lower’s Eon’s bow*

Eon: “Even though she said she saw you cheating on her, she insisted that we not leave you and do something to save you.”
Zathire: “Cheated on her? I never ch”
Elf: *slap & cry* “How could you? I saw her!” *sniff* “I thought you said you loved me!”
Zathire: *un-phased by slap [Note: well obviously]* “Ohhhhh….” *eyes roll with thought* “Now I remember…”
Elf: (outrage) “How can you say it like that?”
Zathire: “That Causca bitch…” *grabs elf’s arm* “Look I had nothing to do with that; other than that gay guy told her to keep me warm. Whatever she did when I wasn’t conscious, I don’t know; but if you want to blame me for it… I guess its okay seeing as it was my fault I was defeated by… ugh… him.”
Eon: (mumbles) “Wow he has no shame.”
Elf: *forgiveness level 5* [Note: in RPG terms this level of forgiveness removes all grudges and causes temporary memory loss for a few moments, fortifying love by 500 units for 32 seconds] *happy hug* “I knew it couldn’t be true.”
Zathire: *returns hug* “I couldn’t have asked for a better avenger.”

Ruri: “I believe that thing you were wearing is significant. Forgive me Mr. Griffith.” *removes Crimson Behelit* [Note: The Crimson Behelit, from the Berserk Series, is a device capable of turning someone into a demon king.]

Eon: “Now that we’re all forgiven and all the lovey-dovey happy ending is over, I should tell you Edgeworth sent a letter telling us to meet him somewhere and that he’s found something out.” *starts walking* “It’s not far, less than eight hours by foot.”

8 HOURS LATER

Old man in green robes: “Ah there you are.” *walks with staff (a few steps)* “Your friend has told me much about you.”
Yuki & Kitez: *stare off* (although while Kitez is angry the yuki is just confused)
Old man: “Allow me to introduce myself: Oscar de Luigi.” *hobble* *hobble* “Many moons have past since the last time I’ve seen someone who thought they could put an end to the Crimson Beak, or at least someone with the gall to try.”
Zathire: “Hey old man do you have a point? I’m getting hungry.”
De Luigi: “Patience young lad. I’m here to read your prophecy.”
Zathire: “Prophecy? I don’t care about no damn prophecy, I’m going to break all that crimson crap, as well as the damn bird anyway. Do you have any chicken or ham?”
Prophet: “Only celery.” *turns to crystal ball* “As for the rest of you, here are the instructions you will need.”

Prophet: *sits down by crystal ball* *hum* hum* *hands swirl around ball* “Ah you will need to seek out the Crimson Beak’s elite four and claim from each of them, one the four legendary items: the egg of the king, the sword of the falcon, the badge of birds, and the meat of chatter.” *looks deeper into ball* “However, two of these items will be locked in a different world, the sword of sickle and the badge of birds will require you to seek: the farmer of purple milk, and the Red Slot.
Eon: “Wait, first you said the sword of falcon, then you said the sword of sickle?”
Prophet: “Did I? Oh well…”
Ruri: “Unfortunately, while we have the egg of the king, I was a little confused as to the meat of chatter. It would be ever so kind as to give us a direction.”
Eon: “We do? What?-Where?-When did we get the egg of the king?”
Ruri: *dangles Crimson Behelit* “I believe it’s also known as the Crimson Behelit. Perhaps this prophet suffers from a similar tendency, that of which all prophets suffer: the cryptic tongue. They never say things exactly as they are, because they are so infatuated with secrets.”
Eon: “Alright one down, three to go. Good work Edgeworth.”
Edgeworth: “Greetings can wait; I think the prophet still has more to say.”
De Luigi: “Indeed, for the meat of chatter, you must travel far east down the closest road, and you will find the Castle of Time, there will be the meat of chatter.”
Zathire: “Okay, so let’s go. He said the meat was that way.”
Eon: “Calm down fatass.”
Elf: “He’s not fat, he’s just chunky.”
Eon: “I was talking about his appetite.”
Elf: “Ohh…” *pause* “…”
Prophet: “But all this shall not be all that is necessary, for the last part of the quest you must seek divine intervention. I’m sorry but I have no idea how the artifacts play into this at all if they do. And as far as finding divine intervention that is up to you.”
Kitez: “Okay so you’re saying were screwed?”
Ruri: “Be nice, he’s helped us some.”
Prophet: *sits down by crystal ball* *hum* hum* *hands swirl around ball* “Ah you will need to seek out the Crimson Beak’s elite four and claim from each of them, one the four legendary items: the egg of the king, the sword of the falcon, the badge of birds, and the meat of chatter.” *looks deeper into ball* “However, two of these items will be locked in a different world, the sword of sickle and the badge of birds will require you to seek: the farmer of purple milk, and the Red Slot.
Eon: “Wait, first you said the sword of falcon, then you said the sword of sickle?”
Prophet: “Did I? Oh well…”
Ruri: “Unfortunately, while we have the egg of the king, I was a little confused as to the meat of chatter. It would be ever so kind as to give us a direction.”
Eon: “We do? What?-Where?-When did we get the egg of the king?”
Ruri: *dangles Crimson Behelit* “I believe it’s also known as the Crimson Behelit. Perhaps this prophet suffers from a similar tendency, that of which all prophets suffer: the cryptic tongue. They never say things exactly as they are, because they are so infatuated with secrets.”
Eon: “Alright one down, three to go. Good work Edgeworth.”
Edgeworth: “Greetings can wait; I think the prophet still has more to say.”
De Luigi: “Indeed, for the meat of chatter, you must travel far east down the closest road, and you will find the Castle of Time, there will be the meat of chatter.”
Zathire: “Okay, so let’s go. He said the meat was that way.”
Eon: “Calm down fatass.”
Elf: “He’s not fat, he’s just chunky.”
Eon: “I was talking about his appetite.”
Elf: “Ohh…” *pause* “…”
Prophet: “But all this shall not be all that is necessary, for the last part of the quest you must seek divine intervention. I’m sorry but I have no idea how the artifacts play into this at all if they do. And as far as finding divine intervention that is up to you.”
Kitez: “Okay so you’re saying were screwed?”
Ruri: “Be nice, he’s helped us some.”

Everyone: *starts leaving*
Hanyuu: *waves* “Thanks for the help De Luigi.”
De Luigi: *temporarily glances off crystal ball* “Any time…” *waves back* (mumbles) “Shoot! Damn wave-dashing edge-guarder…” *click* *click* *click*
Kitez: “Why is the old wizard man going insane mommy?”
Ruri: “I’ll tell you when you’re older, but for now that’s a secret.”