Last person to post wins!

Marth: *Goes to the stand* “Forgive my impoliteness but is this fair for the other’s who are waiting to fight? It’s not that I’m against…”
Ike: *barges toward the field* “Hey Illyana is it about to start?”
Crowd: *goes wild*
Ike: “What’s happening? What’s going on?”
Ilyana: “Ike!”
Ike: “Oh you already met Zelda. Sorry I was late; I baked these muffins for you.”
Ilyana: “Ike, you’re fighting in the next round.”
Ike: “No I’m not; I got defeated.”
Ilyana: “Ike the crowd is going wild because you’re fighting next. You are a champion to them. Zelda gave you her spot.”
Ike: “Zelda, how could you?”
Zelda: “The same way you could for me.”
Crowd: “Aw”
Announcer: “Did you here that, it looks like the starting of two little lovebirds to me.”
Zelda: “Don’t let me down. I want you to promise you’ll beat every opponent no matter what.”
Ike: *is terrified* “But if I break such a promise and it’s to you…” *gets nervous and paces* “ALLRIGHT I’LL DO IT. I claim to defeat every opponent and I’ll do it for your honor!”
Crowd: *is more exited*
Announcer: Alright without any more delay let’s start this match 3… 2… 1… Go!”
Ilyana: “Hey Zelda are you going to eat those muffins, because if you don’t feel like it I can eat them and say you did.” *hands eagerly waiting*
Zelda: “Apple cinnamon! How did he know my favorite?”
Ilyana: *horrified look*
Zelda: “Oh no worries let us eat them together.”
Ilyana: *almost cries tears of happiness* “Thankyou.”
Mario: “Owwooohhh!”
Announcer: “And just like before, he’s defeated his first victim before we knew it.”

Guess Mario just got bored being the second fiddle in Ike's story, oh well..

Dark Link: *fires 3 arrows*
Ike: *absorbs all three* *dashes forward and slashes Dark Link*
Announcer: “Again with the single strike, I don’t know what he eats for breakfast but we would all like to know.”
Ike: “HAM!” *cracks Olimar*
Announcer: “Game!”

Back at the stadium:
Ilyana: “Great job Ike.”
Ike: “Yeah, I guess. I don’t know why everyone likes me so much. I thought they’re supposed to root for the underdog, but everyone’s exited for the opposite reason.”
Peach: “So the crazy one is insane for my best friend.”
Ilyana: “That crazy one is my best friend.”
Peach: “Oh really? You don’t mind if I’m a little curious as to your whereabouts.”
Ilyana: “Not at all, now that his fight is over and he knows you're not going to be in any we’ve no interest in staying here to watch the other fights. You guys are welcome to follow us. I know Ike won’t be offended if he finds Zelda invading in his home for any reason. Also we were curious as to what type of person Zelda is; perhaps we could all get to know each other better.”
Peach: “I’m all for it, but aren’t you curious as to what strategies your opponents might use?”
Ilyana: “If it were me, then I’d say yes, but I can already tell you now he doesn’t care. If anything he’ll tell me it’s cheating.”
Ike: “Ilyana are you ready to go? You probably got five minutes until you get dizzy spells again.”
Peach: “What’s he talking about.”
Ilyana: *blushes* “Oh nothing.”
Peach: “Are you sure.”
Ilyana: “It’s embarrassing.”
Peach: “I won’t hold it against you. You seem like a nice person I’m sure I could understand.”
Ilyana: “Well he’s always cooking things when he gets back, because you see…” *looks around nervously* “I’ve got an eating problem.”
Peach: “You of all people?” *tries to imagine how this is possible* “You look awfully skinny. Do you mean you don’t eat enough?”
Ilyana: “Exactly.”

Where fa fauq is Ganon??

Ike: “I made a few extra treys of muffins for you. We were only here five minutes, if we get back now they should still be warm. I got to warn you though, there’s only seven because I brought one for Zelda and no more than eight trays will fit in the oven.”
Peach: “Eight treys? I thought you said you didn’t eat enough.”
Ilyana: “It’s okay Ike; Zelda let me have half of her muffins. Seven and a half should be enough to get me through until lunch time.”
Ike: “I have my doubts but if you say so. Remember I’m going to be snacking on them too.”
Peach: “That’s monstrous, but you look so shy and innocent I can’t imagine it. And you’re so small.”
Ilyana: That’s why Ike is my best friend; he understands and will do anything to take care of me. Before I met him I was always fainting and couldn’t remember anybodies name, because if they did give me food it was only one or two helpings and it wasn’t enough to get me back to fully conscious.” *looks at Ike who seems kind of impatient* “I better hurry though, breakfast will wear off soon; I don’t want to be stranded and lost without food or the energy to figure out where I am.” *runs off*

Back at the farm:

Ilyana: “I think you should marry her.”
Ike: “WHAT? What gives you that idea?”
Ilyana: “Well she shared some of her muffins with me; she passes my personality test.”
Ike: *laughs* “Sounds like a rather biased opinion to me.”

Zelda: “These other matches seem boring by comparison.”
Peach: “You forgot to squeal when Marth came up; I think you’re starting to get a crush.”
Zelda: “There’s something about him, the way that he fights so full of energy and without fear of consequences that makes me forget my worries somehow. I can’t explain it but it just sort of translates to me and makes me myself feel more confident. By the way where is he, Link was talking to me and I couldn’t see him after the match.”
Peach: “He went home to feed more muffins to his friend. Apparently that girl is high maintenance and eats him out of house and home.”
Zelda: “He’s making more?”
Peach: “He said he has seven more trays.”
Zelda: “Oh… they were so good. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Peach: “Actually his friend said we could visit whenever we want but I didn’t want to go without you, and I didn’t want to interrupt Link. I think Link is starting to get a bit angry because he’s worried you’re starting to forget about him.”
Zelda: “Speaking of such what about Mario I haven’t seen him.”
Peach: *waves her hand dismissively* “Oh don’t worry about it. All he ever wants whenever he talks is cake anyways, and he needs to loose some weight.”
Zelda: “We should go visit them tomorrow.”
Peach: “Sounds great, we should go look at the brackets to see who he’s fighting tomorrow. I’m not sure but I think it won’t be long until he fights Marth. Lot’s of people are waiting for that match I can tell you that.”

Zelda’s Hunt

Ike: *drooling in sleep*
Ilyana: “Wake up stinky.”
Ike: *yawns*
Ilyana: “You ought to shave your armpits.”
Ike: *blinks* “What time is it?”
Ilyana: "Time for the tournament."
Ike: *instantly pumps to his feet full of energy!* “Alright let’s go!”
Ilyana: “Ike, you’re only wearing boxers.”
Ike: “Oh yeah…”

Zelda: “Look at this bulletin Marth is going to be up against Falco for the first fight today.”
Peach: “If all goes according to plan Marth and Ike should fight after two more victories each.”
Ike: *tugging a wheelbarrow* *stops and breaths*
Peach: “Ike you’re here!”
Zelda: “Oh no, you’re all tired are you still going to win?”
Ike: “Don’t worry about it; even if I’m in the first fight I’m still durable even if I can’t fight. I’ll just wait until my strength returns and then attack.”
Zelda: “Why do you have a wheelbarrow full of food?”
Ike: “For my friend here. The first day I made the mistake of buying food here. It’s way too expensive for me. So this time I brought it from home. I wish they had ramps though carrying a wheelbarrow up all those stairs while trying to slip past all those people is hard work.”
Ilyana: *pops out of wheelbarrow from under the food.*
Ike: *vitality returns like an on switch* *scratches head* “Oh, there you are Ilyana. I thought the barrel looked a little smaller than when we left.”
Ilyana: “Sorry Ike.”
Zelda: “Ike, from your battles I would have taken you as a somewhat serious guy but it seems when you’re with your friend you’re actually a bit goofy?”
Ike: “Is that a bad thing?
Zelda: “No I like the lightheartedness.”

Hmmmm....

Announcer: “Starting our first bout will be our old favorite Marth. And facing him as the underdog in the other corner will be Falco. What will be sharper Falco’s beak or the tip of Marth’s sword? You decide. If you are still plan on placing a bet please do so now the match is about to start.”

Marth: *takes the stage*
Ike: *watches*
Marth: *glares at Ike through the corner of one eye while walking before he looks up to face Falco*
Ike: “Look at Marth, he doesn’t even care about Falco.”
Zelda: “What do you mean Ike?”
Ike: “You’ll see; watch the way he fights it will be full of arrogance I can guarantee it.”
Ilyana: “You mean almost as arrogant as you?”
Ike: *shoulders slump and blushes* “Well probably not that bad…”
Ilyana: “I’m just teasing; you’re not that arrogant you’re more clueless and carefree.”
Ike: “Well that doesn’t sound much better but I guess it’s at least more honorable.”

Announcer: “3… 2… 1… Go!”

Marth instantly tips Falco, sending him back. Falco takes out gun, but is a step too late, Marth sweeps his feet before he can make any progress. Falco trips and is swept up by the sword and jabbed in the air. Marth leaps into the air and slashes him twice in a fancy and elegant circle. Marth lands charging magical energies around a thrust. Falco shields but the pierce shatters it. Falco is stunned.

Ike: “Oh look that bubble thingy can backfire on you. It’s a good thing I never figured out how to use it.”
Ilyana: “You’re so overweight Ike. Everyone else tries to defend themselves and you just plan on tanking the hits like a hippo.”
Ike: “Hey you’re the one who likes to tank food like a hippo.” *gasps* “Speaking of that is that my wildebeest leg? You snuck that into the barrel.”
Ilyana: “Ike you got to understand I’m a growing woman and I need my nourishment, meat is part of…”
Ike: “Oh no you don’t!” *starts wrestling for the leg*

Marth patiently waits for the stun to wear off behind Falco. When Falco snaps to, he realizes Marth is no where to be seen. He spins around and finds Marth. He zips at Marth and Marth quickly dodges then tips Falco with his sword again, winning the match brutally.

Zelda: *gasps* “Ike was right, why didn’t he finish Falco off when he was stunned it's like he was mocking him or just trying to put on a good show.”

Announcer: “And once again our champion continues his line of victory. As of now Marth is still the only candidate to have not taken any damage in this tournament so far.”

Marth: (mumbles) “I hope you were watching Ike because this demonstration was meant for you.” *glares up at Ike to see his reaction*

Ike: “Ha!” *wins the wresting contest, starts crunching the meat voraciously*
Ilyana: “Not fair, you should go easier on me because I’m a girl.”

Marth: *vexed* “What he wasn’t even watching?”

Ike: “Go easier on you because you’re a girl. Please… I’d go easier on a rabid dragon.”

Next up is Ike and Donkey Kong.

Ilyana: “Looks like you’re up Ike.” *lightly grabs the leg like she’s taking the coat for a boxer* “I’ll watch this for you.”
Ike: “Nice try Ilyana.” *yanks the meat free and enters the stage while eating it.”

Announcer: “This is something new I’ve never seen someone eating while on the stage before. Anyhow 3… 2… 1… Go!”

Donkey Kong: *winds up for a chunky punch*
Ike: *crunches meat in response* *takes sword out trying to look serious but eating at the same time.*
Donkey Kong: *punches Ike directly in the face*
Ike: *chokes for a moment, then swallows meat and pushes the gorilla fist back with his face using his neck* “Hurp!” *smashes Donkey Kong with his sword*
Donkey Kong: *is sent off the stage in one hit* “Owwouughh!”

Zelda: *horrified look* “How grotesquely un-elegant…”

Announcer: “Game! Wow that was incredible, no disrespect to Donkey Kong he couldn’t have been more unlucky. His opponent must be made of lead; I’ve never seen anyone take a hit like that. He’s definitely contrary to Marth. One is supreme in precision and speed the other is all power and no flinching. I think we’re going to see these two face each other soon. The question is can Marth dish out enough beating to make the Mercenary budge and does Ike have the speed to ever land a hit on the nimble Prince? We’ll have to see. Coming up next, is Wario and Ice Climbers.”

Peach: “That was quite a show Ike.”

..........DickButt

Ike: “Thanks, I guess. I thought it was a little weird personally. But I got to eat that meat before Ilyana finds it; otherwise I’ll shrivel up and end up like a normal person.”
Peach: “You must have very big muscles huh?” *grabs one of his arms and starts feeling it*
Ike: “Uh…” *scratches back of head*
Zelda: *Grabs Peach and pulls her away.* “Stop it Peach can’t you see you’re making him uncomfortable?”
Ilyana: *raises eyebrow*
Ike: “Well I think we’re going to be going now. It’s actually one of the more busy days for the farm.”
Peach: “In that case I suppose we’ll follow.”
Ilyana: *jumps in cart*
Ike: *just stands there*
Zelda: “Aren’t you going somewhere?”
Ike: “Oh I thought you guys were going to get in the barrel too. My friend jumped in and I thought it would be rude if I was giving her a ride that I didn’t offer one to my guests as well.”
Zelda: “We can walk. We won’t want you to hurt your back.”
Ike: “Well if you’re that worried about me, it makes it all the easier I guess. But all the difficulty is gone. People aren’t really exiting or entering the stadium right now and its going to be all downhill, plus once I’m out of the stadium I’m not going to have to hold it above my head anymore.” *scoops up wheelbarrow and starts running down the long exit stairs*

Zelda: “He’s running?!”
Peach: “Well let’s go then.”

Ilyana: (out of earshot of the other girls) “Ike did you see that?”
Ike: “What?”
Ilyana: “Back at the stadium when Peach grabbed your arm?”
Ike: *breathing heavily* “Yeah? What about it?”
Ilyana: “I think your elf got a bit jealous.”
Ike: “Really?”
Ilyana: “Didn’t you see the way she pulled Peach’s hand away? I wonder if Peach did that on purpose to get Zelda…”
Ike: “Huh?”
Ilyana: “Never mind you numbskull it wouldn’t sink in if I told you anyways.”

Once they arrive:

Peach and Zelda: *panting*
Zelda: *finds Ike picking corn* “I thought you would wait for us…”
Ike: “Oh sorry, I offered you two a ride but I had to make sure Ilyana got back in time for pre-lunch.” *stares off into the distance* “I’m going to miss that cow. It’s not easy to slaughter them when you’ve known them for a while. But I have a friend to feed. It should last us until the end of the week.” *awkward moment* “I’m sorry but I wasn’t aware ahead of time that you girls were coming and I really don’t have anything planned I just have my chores to do.”

Eh............

Peach: “That’s okay, maybe we can help. Where’s Ilyana?”
Ike: “Probably burning off all that extra energy she gets eating.”
Peach: “How so?”
Ike: *points off in a direction, (a miniature tornado forms).* “She’s a thunder mage but it looks like she’s practicing wind today. She may look weak and helpless but she’s actually very powerful. Back when I worked with other mercenaries many thought her eating disorder was a disease the same thing that made her look weak and sickly but I think it’s that high level magic that uses it all up.”

Zelda: “You sure do a lot of work to keep her around.”
Ike: “Yeah, well when you’re a retired mercenary you make a lot of enemies you don’t know about. She makes a pretty good bodyguard and covers my weak points.” *pauses then laughs* “Plus I don’t feel like I have the appetite of a fat person when I’m around her.”
Zelda: *puts her hands in the dirt closes her eyes* *chants something quietly* (all the full sized corn ears twist themselves off) *she chants again and they fly into the wheelbarrow* “Did that help speed up your chores?”
Ike: “Wow, I’ve never seen an elf use levitation spells before.”
Zelda: “Well I’m also a wielder of magic like your friend. I just have the advantage of being able to combine it with elf magic as well.” *nervous scuffling of feet* “Um Ike, do you suppose you can make more of those muffins.” *looks at ground* “It’s not that I want to make you work extra hard or anything… but since I helped you finish this…”
Peach: *shakes Zelda, points to Ike*
Ike: *tensing up* “HAAAA!!!!”
Zelda: *is afraid* “What’s going on?!”
Ike: “ALRIGHT! I’m so glad you like them. I’ll do anything to serve you beautiful elf. I’ll start right away.”

Stereotypical Non-Canon Love Triangle incoming...?

k.

In the kitchen:
Ike: *on a rampage, fixing up the batter at high speed* *finishes quickly* *snaps out of serious trance* “Oh is it okay if I leave the baking to you? Just fill up the trays and leave them in the oven at four hundred degrees for twenty minutes. I have to feed the animals so I have time to train for the rest of the day.”
Ilyana: *arrives in kitchen* “Oh hey, you two finally made it.”
Ike: “Oh yeah, one thing I forgot to mention. Zelda, I have cheese in the fridge, feel free to eat as much as you like.”
Zelda: “Cheese? I absolutely love cheese! How do you know I like cheese?”
Ike: (in dry and flat voice) “You’re an elf, all elves like cheese.”
Ilyana: *grumbles* “Ike, I was going to eat that cheese.”
Ike: “I know; if it was up to you, you probably wouldn’t share anything that’s why I made sure to say it.”
Peach: “Oh we don’t mean to be a burden. Perhaps if it’s alright with you could we use your kitchen and the ingredients?”
Ilyana: “Yes, absolutely yes, feel free to make whatever you like; here I’ll help you find whatever you need.”

A couple hours later:

Peach: *takes a cake out of the oven*
Ilyana: *takes a bite immediately* “Oh my god that is so good.” *cuts the cake in half, (the cake is large) *takes a fork and starts eating*
Peach: *understands the would-be-rude behavior* “Ilyana, for someone who likes eating so much how come you don’t cook?”
Ilyana: “It’s hard for me to wait, and I always end up eating the ingredients before they get used. I wish I could wait though, its always so much better if it’s finished. So I try to stay away while things are being cooked, unless I have something to snack on in the mean time.”
Zelda: *sighs with satisfaction*
Peach: “Are you trying to eat more muffins than Ilyana?”
Zelda: “It’s not my fault, they’re so good.”
Peach: “I think you’re going to get fat Zelda.”
Zelda: *worried* “You really think so?” *inspects herself*
Ilyana: *laughs*
Zelda: “Well maybe you’re right, I better go outside and see if there’s something I can do.” *finds some vegetables*

Marth: “He never ceases to disgust me. Such a repulsive display of disrespect for the battlefield… It cannot be allowed to go on any longer.”
Butler: “Marth… Aren’t you going to be fighting him?”
Marth: “Yes what is your point?”
Butler: “I don’t mean to anger you your majesty but if you simply beat him shouldn’t it be enough?”
Marth: *smiles* “No, that’s exactly why I’m so bothered. It won’t be enough. I can’t simply beat him I have to humiliate him. I don’t want anything to be left when the fight is over.” *paces back and forth* “In the meantime butler you can go to the store and buy me some more of my shampoo and this time don’t forget the glitter beads!”

Ilyana: “Now that we’re alone I want to ask you something.”
Peach: “Yes what is it?”
Ilyana: “When you grabbed Ike’s arm, were you acting interested in his muscle to get a prompt out of Zelda or are you yourself interested?”
Peach: “Well, it’s a little of both. I did it for Zelda, but it wasn’t like I had to force myself to act very hard.”
Ilyana: “I thought you might be trying to set them up.”
Peach: “Well honestly it’s not that I got anything against Link who keeps trying but he just doesn’t have the extra flare Marth has. And Marth never had any interest in either of us; Ike has all the flare of Marth and more interest than anyone I know. After I heard how he makes her feel I knew she was in love. I don’t think she knows she is yet.”
Ilyana: “Well it’s hard for me to tell since he’s always that way but I think Ike is even more exited and full of energy everyday than normal …which reminds me… Normally around sunset he collapses from exhaustion; that’s when I drag him to his bed and drop him there. Honestly sometimes he’s hopeless without me. Now that he’s training to not let down Zelda in addition to the expectations he has for himself he might overdue it a bit. We should check on him and make sure he’s still conscious.”
Peach: *finds Zelda staring at Ike on the porch*
Ike: *has his sword inside of a log* *wields the weighted sword around dropping sweat*
Peach: “Burning off the extra muffins I see.”
Zelda: *jumps* “Oh Peach I didn’t see you coming…”
Peach: “An elf not noticing an approaching human, something must be wrong.”
Zelda: “Stop teasing me Peach.”
Peach: “He must be something if you can just sit here and stare all the time.”
Zelda: “I’ve been waiting for him to tire, to collapse or give up, but every time I think he’s finished, he goes on. I’ve see the look on his face; it’s the same face many of my soldiers shared before they were killed in battle, a tired smile holding on to one last happy thought. It’s simply training, won’t he eventually stop?”
Ilyana: *shrugs* “I thought you were gawking because he had his shirt off.”
Zelda: *blushes profusely*
Ilyana: “But if you want to know when he stops it’s probably going to be two more hours when he’ll collapse. Maybe a bit more since he’s got the power of love or something like that…” *yawns and glances over noticing Zelda is still watching* “If it’s so interesting, you can help me drag him back to his bed when he’s done. I’m not particularly fond of dragging a sweaty chunk of meat twice my size through a field or having to lift it on top of a bed after I’m already tired.”

I see....

Bip.

Link: “I’m sorry to here for your loss Mario. You made it rather far. Where’s Peach, I haven’t seen her. I thought she would be here by now to congratulate you for making it to the one-on-one elimination. Being better than all sixty four of your first competitors is something.”
Mario: *tired* “Hoo… hoo…”
Link: “Come on buddy; I’ll treat you to a spaghetti restaurant myself.”

Later that night:
Ike: *finally collapses*

Zelda: “Ilyana, its time.”
Ilyana: *stuffing face* “Wait up if I leave any meat he might not make steak for breakfast.” *gets over to the field and starts dragging Ike*
Zelda: “Oh my god his face is being dragged in the dirt. And what about his back it will get all cut up.”
Ilyana: *looks down at Ike (his neck is bent awkwardly under the body from his face catching a furrow in the dirt)* “Well what am I supposed to do?” *gestures to her diminutive size*
Zelda: “Peach, you grab a leg all get the other arm. Maybe we can carry him this way.”
Ilyana: *shrugs* “Whatever, just as long as I don’t have to do it all by myself.”
All three girls: *eventually get him to the bed, which is a messy ball of blankets that stink of sweat*
Ilyana: *puts an arm on the bed then gets up and starts tugging* “Usually if I can get half his back up its good enough. Plus some of the blankets are still on the floor, so if he spills off its still close enough.”
Peach: *somewhat outraged but not in an angry way* “He sleeps in these conditions?!”
Zelda: “This simply won’t do.” *gets him all the way onto the bed and pulls the blankets out from under him and tucks them over* *stares for a moment* “We should be going now. I think you’re in the third bout tomorrow. We’ll see you there.”